BDSM Education- Autobiographical Smatterings

The obligatory page where one rambles on about themselves.  Don't you just hate these pages on web sites?  Well since the world seems obsessed with wanting this information to feed the need for gossip (or tabloids wouldn't exist) here you go.

The following will be a glimpse of self promotion and not have complete particulars about my life.  I have also included my 10 Steps in building a BDSM relationship.  When I am dead and buried someone might dig out all my writings and ramblings about my life and really tell the story of my life as they saw it.  Okay I won't bore you with where I was born and raised or talk about the public schools and the college I attended, or who I dated in high school and when I first had sex and with whom and where.  You probably want to know about me and BDSM instead. 

Female- Lesbian Identified Bisexual (God I hate labels).  Domme....some think because I have an Owner, I Switch.  I don't.  (Short explanation- I am a Domme to everyone except my Owner and I kneel to no one but him).  I started BDSM in junior high School but didn't know what it was called.  I guess I officially got into BDSM full time was back in 1981 as a Domme to women.

I am told I am delightfully wicked and evil but FUN. 

Partial list-- I was either a member of, actively involved in/with these groups or establishments:

Sluts for Sensation, Juicy Lucy, International Ms. Leather, HFF (Happy Fun Floggers), Darknights, Mr. S Leathers (did fundraisers with Alan Selby), Castlebar.  Was the token woman in SLUG (Southbay Leather and Uniform Group-I was a founding member and liaison to the lesbian/women's community), I started Leather W.I.S.D.O.M (Women into Sadism Dominance Obedience Masochism).   I have been a judge at BDSM events on and off for the past 25 years.  I have judged BDSM fashion shows, BDSM talent shows, BDSM contests, ranging from human pet shows to leather Daddy/boy contests to women competing to enter International Ms. Leather contest to pony shows, just to list a few.  

Over the years I have attended so many conferences, weekends, contests, demos, play parties, flea markets, workshops and lectures, etc. I couldn't even begin to name them all.  I remember the days when the only places you could find a lecture/workshop/demo being held was in a gay men's bathhouse or sex club.  

Fond memories- Shotwell House, Serpents Lair, both Castlebar locations, Back Drop (numerous locations since first opened), Hellfire, Leatherfest, Folsom Street Fair, Samois, MCing various leather shows/contests, Women's Leather Weekend on the River- Guerneville, Fetish and Fantasy Ball at Club Townsend, I remember Susie Shepherd having an oar broken when used on her during her IMsL victory play, SF Eagle, The Hideaway, Renegades, hanging out/cruising in the Castro, Valencia Street, Amelia's, and The Brig just to list a few.  

I remember the days of playing along side of/hanging out with/learning from- Gregg, Damion, Pat Califia, Dorothy Allison, Dossie Easton, JC Collins, Gabrielle Antolovich-Very Mother Superior, Sky, Scooter, Shadow, Officer Betty, Tony DeBlase, Mr. Marcus, Alan Selby, Jim Ward, Gayle Rubin, Shan Carr, Race Brannon, Guy Baldwin, Fakir Musifar, Jack Rinella, Robert Dante, Philip Miller, Molly Devon, Midori, Lolita, Audrey Joseph, Rainbeau & Kathy just to mention a few. 

May the memories of Philip Miller, Tony DeBlase and Alan Selby live on forever.  I miss you all.

1989 and 1990 I held the Title of Ms. San Jose Leather, 1991 held the Title of Ms. San Jose Leather Mama. 

In 1995 a man came into my life and turned it upside down and eventually became my Owner/husband (Sir and missy were born).  At his insistence I keep Domming, his reasoning was he didn't want the world to lose my evil wicked mind.  1999 another woman entered my life and became my civil union wife and subbie in training and Domme assistant.

BDSM educator since 1981, Lectures/Workshops/Demos:
1- Electrical Play
2- BDSM with Ordinary Household Items.
3- Question and Answer session on living a Poly life in a Poly household (sometimes done with my Owner).
4- Question and Answer session on BDSM and Disabilities, also some tips and ideas on adapting toys and positions.

My Owner and I also do Demo/Lectures:
5- Owner/slave/24/7/TPE/EPE
6- How to be creative in play.

I am Author of: Electric Play- Toys, Techniques, and Safety ©1985, 1996.  Author of column "White Trash" pseudonym Mistress Cleo Taurus circa 1988-1995.  Author of the original D/s Checklist © 1982  Author of the original D/s Negotiation Form © 1982 Author of DMing © 1996.  Author of BDSM and Disabilities- Ideas and Tips, Concerns, and Safety ©1982-2004 Also numerous articles that have appeared in BDSM magazines and organizations newsletters on and off since the 1980's (under various pseudonyms).  I am into S/w (SadoWackosism).  This is a term I created for comedy during a scene.  Nothing more fun than a subbie/bottom/slave <insert your favorite term> moaning in pain one minute and laughing the next....screaming from a whack to laughing out loud the next moment.

People always want to know how I find my playmates or long term subbies.  Best answer is they find me and we figure out if we match.  Here are the steps I came up with for structuring expectations for starting out a BDSM relationship.  I hope this gives you some help as well as some insight.

"My Steps for a BDSM Relationship"  

This is a long process and is to be done slowly, evolving over time.  I don't rush into anything and repeatedly am clear about my expectations of the relationship.  Even with my clarity and constant talking about my hard fast ways, subs only hear what they want to hear.  So be prepared for disappointment and maybe even some hurt feelings.

1- When I find someone that interests me in some manner, I CHAT with them (face to face-real life, online, web cam, phone) and see if there is interest. 

2- If both of us seem interested in each other, we talk and then talk some more.  Subs you should talk about activities in BDSM you find enjoyable, intriguing, what you might like to explore.  Both of us will get a feel if there is enough interest to see if the chemistry might be born.  Otherwise hope to be friends and who knows what lies in the future. 

3- If there is interest I send you my copyrighted prelim questionnaire meant for soul searching and thinking.  This will eliminate those not serious and gives new subs (and even some old timers) a real task of searching inside themselves. 

4- If I feel there is enough that interests me and enough for me to work with, I set up meeting them (if we haven't already met) for some further talking.  If all seems right to me, I will send my copyrighted approx 18 page questionnaire and checklist (I created the original checklist that you see plagiarized on the internet and in books) meant for soul searching and thinking, (this may or may not be sent before we meet).  This will really tell me if we share enough play interests or if I am helping you figure out just how far you can let go.  Regular chat sessions will take place.  (Online, by phone, by web cam and meet, possibly will start some orders, my choice).  You should not be searching for others or trying to learn from others during this time.  If you want to do some reading I will provide you with what books and/or web sites to use. 

5- If the paperwork feels to me like there is enough common interests we progress to "Are you willing and freely giving yourself to me for exploration?"  At this point you commit to not trying to find, or learn from others.  More talking (online-screen name change if wanted), by phone, by web cam, meetings and teasing: in person, via online, by phone, web cam.  You can expect some orders, and my control over you, I expect obedience, etc. as we explore. 

6- A mentoring collar might be done ... more for the subs needs, otherwise establish a mentor relationship. 

7- A testing period (specific set of time/possibly a contract) to see how things go (the testing period is REAL life). 

8- Both will evaluate how things went during testing period.  Decide if another testing period is needed (this could be repeated as many times as necessary). 

9- We decide continue? or cease? or slowly back away (helping each other deal with things as we break things off). 

10- If continuing ... mostly true collaring and possible permanent marking (to be determined -- brand, tattoo, piercing, any or all). 

NOTE: Now some subbies may push for marking earlier ... and I usually allow them to talk me into it.  I would still do an "ownership" marking if I choose to do so.

So there you have a bit about me.

The Difference between Dom/me's and game players.  A Dom/me creates the hunger, the need and the want in the one they want to dominate.  A game player just looks for anyone that is hungry, needy and wanting a void filled for them to dominate.
~Electric Switch of the West

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