BDSM Education- Dictionary

gold bar

Not everyone will agree on "definitions" or “terminology”...but I hope this will help.  Just remember definitions and terminology only need to be clear between those involved in the activity together.  This group of definitions is always growing.  If you find something you feel we missed, drop us an e-mail and we will consider adding it to our dictionary.

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Non Alphabet


* 24/7- 24 hours a day 7 days a week


A

* Abrasion play- Stimulating body parts with an abrasive material.  i.e. fine sandpaper, hair brush bristles, chamois leather, brillo pad.  Commonly used in conjunction with blindfold.  

* Abuse- To assault.  To injure or hurt, not care about the others well being.  Physical or sexual assault or false imprisonment is not part of BDSM.  BDSM is negotiated between those participating and is something that is enjoyable and enhances a persons well being.

* AC/DC- Term used back 20-30 years ago to mean bi-sexual.

* Acomoclitic- One who has a preference for hairless genitals.  

* Acousticophilia- One who is aroused from sounds.

* Age Play- Usually the Dom/me is the grown up and the submissive is a baby, child, school girl/boy. 

* Aftercare/Cooling down/Ramping down/Winding down- Time following play/scene.  Mental ending of what just happen, body temperature dropping (wrap them in a blanket), relaxing.  If possible Dom/me and sub should get comfortable and relax, chat, cuddle, etc.  This could be a few minutes to several hours.  For more about ramping click here.

* Algophilia- One who is aroused from experiencing pain. 

* Allergies- Be aware some folks might be allergic to latex, nonoxynol-9, alcohol, some metals or other chemicals. Tip: You might want to apply some to the forearm of the person to see if blistering, rash, extreme reddening occurs indicating possible allergy.

* Alpha slave/sub- They have technical authority and the last word in the house over other sub's/slave's and visiting Dom/me's if their Dom/me is not present.  The alpha sub/slave will be given respect of their position.  In Gorean lifestyle they are called first girl. 

* Alternative Lifestyle- To live differently than current "normal" society norms.

* Animal Play- Usually the Dom/me trains the sub to be an animal.  Most common: puppy, dog, cat or pony. 

* Analingus- To lick or suck someone's anal opening/rectum.  

* Ankle cuffs- Usually made of leather, sometimes lined with fur.  Restraints fit around the ankle. 

* Armpit play- Licking, tickled, pinched are just a few pleasurable stimulations to the armpit.

* Aromas- A term commonly used for poppers.

* Ash rubbing- To rub a cutting with ashes for color and permanent mark. 

* Ass play- Anything involving the asshole.  Commonly the insertion of objects, but also enemas, anal fisting, fucking, douching, etc.  Subbies if you have hemorrhoids make sure your Dom/me knows so they can keep and eye on things.  For more about ass play/anal sex/anal fisting click here.

* Auctions- Usually done at play parties--Sale of a scene/type of play or sub/bottom/slave to the highest bidder (commonly for a set period of time).  Extremely uncommon but not unheard of in real life.--Sale of sub/bottom/slave to someone permanently.  Sometimes Dom/me's will auction themselves doing a particular play.  i.e., electrical play, body mold making.

* Auto-erotic asphyxiation- Also know as sexual hanging.  Self strangulation while masturbating.  Those that participate say the decreased blood to the brain heightens the sexual pleasure.  This is dangerous and causes many accidental deaths each year.  

* Auto-masochism- Getting aroused for inflicting intense sensations or pain to self.

Back to Top

B

* Ball gag- Usually a rubber ball placed into the mouth to prevent speaking, held by a strap.  Subbies if you have asthma this is NOT something you should do.  If you are going to use a gag anyway, use the O-Ring gag.  This muffles speech but forces the mouth to stay open to allow breathing.  They come in various sizes so shop around for one that works.  Some people are allergic to latex so make sure it's really all rubber.

* Ball weight- Attaching weights to balls/testicles for pleasure or pain.  

* Bastinado- Impacting, beating or punishing the soles of the feet. 

* BHM- Big Heavy Men.

* BBW- Big Beautiful Woman.

* BDSM- Bondage Discipline Sadism subbie masochism Master/Mistress. BDSM is not a psychological disorder.

* Bear- Hairy Men.  Sometimes heavy and strong. 

* Beating- The Dom/me uses an implement to hit the sub.

* Bi Sexual- Enjoys both sexes. 

* Binding- To wrap tightly the feet or genitals with string or lace.

* Birching- The use of a bundle of wood or twigs as a striking implement.  

* Biting- The Dom/me will use their teeth on various body parts to bite.  Sometimes gently, sometimes hard leaving teeth marks.  Occasionally biting to draw blood.  Don't forget you will need to clean the area if blood is drawn.

* Blindfold- Used to block the sense of sight and to heighten vulnerability of the sub.

* Blood play- Most common is related to cutting.  Just be careful and take necessary precautions to help reduce the spread of AIDS or hepatitis. (sometimes called Blood Sports) 

* Blowgun play- The darts can penetrate plywood 1/4" so you need to really practice to find out how much pressure to use since the darts can go to deep.  Also sterilize the darts and each person should have their own darts for play.  Paper darts, metal darts, stun darts and paintball darts are just some used in play.  This type of play should NOT be done by beginners.  Also make sure no metal allergies for the intended target.  

* Body fluid monogamy- Sometimes called body fluid bonding.  2 people or those practicing polyfidelity, only share body fluids between them and with no one else.  This is so those involved know they are playing safe and will not likely get HIV or hepatitis from those outside the relationship.  If one was to play with anyone outside of the relationship they inform the playmate that they are in a body fluid monogamy relationship and they would adhere to strict safe sex practices and NEVER violate the body fluid monogamy agreement.

* Body Worship- To use one's tongue to lick or suck ever part of the Dom/me's body. 

* Bolt cutters- Use to cut padlocks, chains and other metals in an emergency situation.

* boi- Are usually female submissive's or bottoms and usually have a female Daddy. They are typically masculine or "butch".

* Bondage- Those who participate in being tied to objects. 

* Bondage belt- Usually made of leather with metal rings for bondage attachment points. 

* Bondage suit- Used for mummification and occasionally suspension.  Commonly made of leather with straps and made to fit snug/tight. 

* Boot Blacking- Usually a service performed by the sub for their Dom/me.  Caring for your Dom/me's possessions.  Usually caring/cleaning leather, latex and rubber toys/clothing/gear. 

* Boot Worship- To use one's tongue to lick or suck ever part of the Dom/me's boots or shoes.

* bottom- A term used for most that "play" in the submissive role. Gives up control but only for the play time.

* boy- Are usually male submissive's or bottoms and usually have a male Daddy.  

* Branding- (also referred to as scarification) Both semi-permanent and permanent can be done with a heated metal object or violet wand.  Burning away the skin. There is cauterize and strike branding.  Strike branding is usually done with carbon steel sheet metal strips.  The strips are bent/twisted into designs.  The metal is heated and struck against the skin for a split second.  Branding takes a very steady hand.  A 2 inch diameter design would take at least 4 strikes.  Strike branding usually spread about 3 times the width of the metal used.  Cauterize branding is done with a surgical cautery pen.  This allows for more detailed brand where the lines flow better.

* Breast bondage- Tying of breasts.  May include nipple clamping.  Commonly tied with rope, string, rubber bands, etc.

* Breath Control/Play- A dangerous type of play to only be done by experts willing to undergo the risks.  The Dom/me restricts the subs ability to breathe normally.  Usually done by choking or covering mouth and nose.  It is highly recommended not to do this to the point of unconsciousness. 

* Buggery- A term for anal sex.

* Buggy whip- A long rigid whip with a cracker at the end.

* Butch- Lesbian that is very tough and masculine. 

* Bulldyke- Lesbian that is very tough and masculine. 

* Bullwhip- A long heavy plaited whip. 

* Bukkake- Japanese term for those getting a showering of sperm.  Can be from one or several men.  Originally used as degradation for unfaithful women, where all the town men would cover her with their sperm to show their distaste.

* Butt plug- Insertable, usually for sexual pleasure, but also can be used for punishment.  They come in all shapes and sizes from realistic penis to fists to a traditional butt plug shape to beads/balls.  For more about ass play/anal sex/anal fisting click here.

 

Back to Top

C

* Cable ties-  Used by police, sometimes called plasticuffs. 

* Cable cuff- Plastic individual handcuff found in hardware stores.

* Cage- Usually made of metal or wood for locking the submissive inside of.  It can be small so the sub can't get in a comfortable position.  Caution: Check for claustrophobia before confining someone.

* Cane- A stick type object used for striking.  Commonly used on ass and tits.  Commonly made of rattan or acrylic.  Black lightning/White lightning is a cane made out of fiber glass or resin with a rubber or leather handle.  

* Cat Fight- Two or more women fighting each other without rules, usually tearing each other's clothes off.  It is common for the women to end up having some sort of sex activity during the fight.

* Cat o' nine tails- Whip that has 9 tails or lashes.  May or may not have sharp objects attached to the ends of the frails.

* Castration- To remove the testicles. 

* Catharsis- This can sometimes happen during play.  Letting go of repressed emotion and guilt.

* Catheter- Flexible tube commonly used in urethral play.  This is risky play because you could damage the urethra.  Infections can be reduced by using sterile equipment.  Subbies if you have gonorrhea, kidney stones, or have had lots of bladder infections, avoid catheterization play.  Also keep your eye on inflammation from this type of play it could lead to neurogenic bladder.

* Cattle prod- Usually modified for BDSM play.  Gives a powerful jolt.  

* CBT- Cock and ball torture, often including the scrotum. 

* CBT Board- Commonly made of wood, leather or metal to hold the penis and/or testicles in place while being "tortured."  Commonly attached with clamps.

* Chastity belt- Enforce sexual chastity usually lockable.  Commonly made of either leather, rubber or metal. 

* Checking in- During the scene the Dom/me checks to see how the sub is feeling.  This might include rating the intensity of an activity or asking if they are okay.  Something that is also commonly done the following day to make sure everyone is still doing well, and for discussion about expanding or eliminating specific play done the day before.

* CHDW- Clueless, horny, Dom/me wannabe.  You probably want to avoid these types of Dom/me's.

* Chemical play- Using chemicals to produce sensations.  i.e. wintergreen oil, chili oil, Tabasco sauce, tiger balm, ginger root, ginger powder, peppermints, rubbing alcohol and menthol.  Caution: Allergic reactions and/or burning/inflammation can occur or cause a great deal of pain.  For more about food/chemical play click here.

* Clamps- Commonly clothespins (wood, plastic or metal), clips, mousetraps.  Popular to attach to nipples or genitals.   For more about clamps/clothespins/clips click here.

* Clover clamp- Commonly used as a tit clamp.  Thought to be used for holding Japanese fishing nets during repair.

* Cock ring- A device put around the balls and penis to keep an erection. 

* Coffin- Sometimes used like a cage or box for isolation play.

* Coitus- Sexual penetration usually leading to ejaculation of semen into the female reproductive tract.  Can be accompanied by orgasms.  

* Coitus-Mammilla- Sliding ones penis between breasts for sexual enjoyment. 

* Collar- Usually very symbolic to Dom/me and sub to reflect Ownership or belonging to the Dom/me.

* Communication- Something that is very important to all involved.  Talk, talk, and talk some more.

* Confidentiality- BDSM participants MUST keep strict confidentiality.  Even if a person is known in the leather community or talks freely about their own activities, under NO circumstances do you talk about them, you could say something that would cause them damage.

* Condom- Both female and male condoms are available.  To help prevent semen from entering the orifice.  Helpful in keeping insertable toys clean.  Remember some people are allergic to latex and nonoxynol-9.

* Contract- An agreement entered into by all people involved in the relationship, usually for a specific period of time.  Contracts are not required, some people enjoy having/using one, others don't.

* Consent- All involved agree to what is happening.

* Contrapolar stimulation- Physical stimulation that causes both pleasure and pain feelings.

* Corporal Punishment- Punishment involving pain usually from a cane type item. 

* Corset- Clothing for shaping the body, usually into an hourglass shape.  Used in the extreme it can shift internal organs and bones.  

* Co-Top- A Dom/me that participates or assists another Dom/me. 

* Counting- The Dom/me may require the sub to count strokes.  Common to start over again if the sub makes a mistake in counting.  Also very common for the sub to have to say thank you following each verbal count.

* CPR- Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation.  Good idea if everyone learned. 

* Cracker- Attached to the end of a whip to make a cracking sound when a whip exceeds the speed of sound.

* Cross-dressing- Usually for play for a specific set amount of time.

* Crop- Riding Crop used similar to a cane. 

* Cumming on Command (Psycholagny)- Orgasms induced from mental stimulation or trigger words said by the Dom/me to the sub.

* Cunnilingus- To lick or suck the clitoris, vulva and labia.  Gag reflex comes from a spot in the throat so this does not affect cunnilingus.

* Cunt torture- Intense stimulation or pain to female genitals.

* Cupping- To use a suction device on body parts.  Commonly glass cups which are done with suction or fire.  For more about cupping click here.

* Cutting- Cuts made to make a pattern. Usually done with a scalpel. Some are done to be permanent by either re-doing the cutting in the same place, (keloid) a design over and over, or by putting something into design (such as ashes-or ink rubbing) before healing.  

* Cybersex- Where one or more people participate in online play/scene.  Done in role with detailed descriptions of what each one is doing or how one is feeling/reacting.

Back to Top

D

* Dacryphilia- Getting sexually aroused from seeing tears in your partner's eyes.  

* DD- Disease and drug free.

* D/s- Domination and submission.

* Daddy- A dominant man or a woman who is the father figure to a boy/boi. 

* Decorative bondage- For looks or immobilization. 

* Deep throating- To take a whole cock or dildo into your mouth and throat.  Those talented will massage the cock with their throat muscles.

* Dental Damn- A dental latex barrier used for analingus or cunnilingus to help prevent the spread of STDs.   Some people are allergic to latex.

* Depilation- Removal of most or all body hair.  Common removal is shaving, waxing or plucking.  Some will undergo electrolysis. 

* Diesel Dyke- Usually referring to a lesbian truck driver. 

* Dildo- Insertable, usually for sexual pleasure.  They come in all shapes and sizes from realistic penis to fists to rabbits.  

* Discipline- Usually punishment for breaking the rules the Dom/me has set, it is not pleasurable. 

* Dom/me drop- When real life is causing problems for the Dom/me and they feel they have to be dominate anytime they are with those submissive.  This is when most will experience Dom/me drop.  One can't be a Dom/me 24/7 without it stressing them out emotionally, mentally and physically.  It is usually caused by their perception that they have to be Dom/me always or they lose control/respect of their sub.  Yes you can be Dom/me in all aspects of your life, but there are times you need to be held, comforted, cry, etc.  Don't fall into the trap of where there are not times you both are equal/neutral in conversation, watching TV/movies, doing things together, etc.  Remember when you want to be dominant you can easily shift into that quite effectively and all it usually takes is calling your sub by their special name, shifting into the Dom/me look they know so well, etc.  Just remember DON'T withdraw from your sub as that will only compound the problems.

* Dom/me- The person in charge, the one that does things to someone else. The difference between Dom/me's and game players: A Dom/me creates the hunger, the need and the want in the one they want to dominate. A game player just looks for anyone that is hungry for them to dominate.  For more about Dom/me click here.

* Do-me queen/king- A sub that participates in physical aspects of play without giving submission or pleasure in return. 

* Dominate- To rule or control by superior power.

* Dominissive- Person who enjoys both Dom/me and submissive roles.  For more about Dominissive/Switch click here.

* Dominatrix- Usually a professional that charges for their service.  

* Doormat- Something people wipe their feet on (usually found only in play).  A person used by another person for their own benefit without regard for the persons feelings, growth or well being.  In general you will not find doormat treatment in BDSM.  BDSM is something that is enjoyable and enhances a persons well being.

* Double penetration- Having two openings filled at once.  Anus, vagina or mouth. Most common: anus/vagina.  

* Douche/douching- Commonly a bulb and nozzle.  Applied by squeezing water into the vagina or ass.

* Dungeon- A place that has BDSM equipment set up for regular use.  This could be a space that is rented, or a room in someone's home.  One might find a St. Andrews Cross, Massage tables and massage chairs, Stocks, Slings, Suspension wench, Gynecological exam table,  plus a whole lot more.

* Dungeon Monitor- A person that monitors a play space for danger signs and breach of the rules or etiquette.  A person you can talk to if something you see bothers you.  A person who can point you to a restroom, the cleaning supplies, get you a bandage, etc.  A person that is there to help but not interfere.  A person who knows the play spaces rules and the party rules.  TIP- If you are going to do a heavy scene, you should talk with the Dungeon Monitor beforehand so they don't interrupt your play because it might look unsafe or questionable.  This will also allow them to ask you any questions about the play so they can educate anyone that has concerns with your play.

Back to Top

E

* Earplugs- Can be used in sensory deprivation play.

* Edge Play- Something that is on the edge of one’s limits. Be aware what is edge play to someone might not be to someone else. 

* Elastrator- A castration device.  This device sometimes get used as a clamp, mainly for nipples.  Avoid using for long periods.  Irreversible damage from securing the testicles tightly at the base of the scrotum and letting the testicles and scrotum die from lack of blood.

* Electroplay- To use electrical devices in play for pain or pleasure.  This might include EMS (Electrical Muscle Stimulation), HVPG (High-voltage Pulsed Galvanic Stimulation), IFS (Interferential Stimulation), IFC (Interferential Current), MENS (Microcurrent Electric Nerve Stimulator), TENS (Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation), MANS (Muscle and/or Peripheral Nerve Stimulation) sometimes called MANStim, Russian Muscle stimulation is similar to EMS, and Microcurrent Stimulation and Microcurrent Therapy.  Gaining popularity is the 4-channel stimulator that has EMS, Russian Stim, Interferential Stim and TENS Stim all in one unit.  Violet Wands also are used in electric play.  This type of play should NOT be done by beginners.  ALWAYS get training from one of the few experts in the field of Electrical play.

* Enema- Filling your colon with liquid.   Tips- Use a water based lube for rectum.  Make sure and let a little water run out the tip so no air in the tubing.  Don't hold bag more than 18 inches above anus.   For more about enema's click here.

* Endorphins- Chemicals produced by your body that give you a state of ecstasy and pleasure. 

* Emotional buttons/triggers- Dom/me will become familiar with certain words, or activities that provoke a strong emotional reaction from the sub.  The key is to know the positive and negative responses and how many you can push, if any.

* EPE- Erotic Power Exchange (usually a term for those just "playing" with others involved in the "scene" sometimes used in conjunction with TPE).
~see terminology page for newbies for longer explanation.  

* Erotic pain- Something that most would consider painful if not in a arousing or sexual manner. 

* Esteem- To value highly.

* Exhibitionism- To show off or expose oneself sexually.  Usually done to gain pleasure and usually not done in the manner of the dirty old man in a trench coat.  For more about Exhibitionism click here.

* External enslavement- Is non-consensual, frequently involving physical force and imprisonment.

Back to Top

F

* Face fucking- Forcing a dildo or penis into someone's mouth and forcing them to perform fellatio.

* Fantasy- Something one thinks about.  Usually a fantasy that makes one respond sexually.  Common to have a fantasy while masturbating or having sex.  Some fantasies should be left in your mind rather than try to make them a reality.  

* Fantasy Rape- A consensual rape scene. 

* Fear Play- Creating a real fear or seemingly real fear in a safe manner.

* Feedback- Letting each other know how things felt to them. 

* Felching- Has two definitions. 1) A person sucks the semen out of someone's vagina or anus. 2) Inserting an animal into vagina or anus.

* Fellatio- To suck, lick or have a penis inserted into your mouth.  Gag reflex is most common with fellatio.  Gag reflex comes from a spot in the throat so this does not affect cunnilingus.

* Female Circumcision- Usually illegal but a custom in some countries.  Full or partial removal of clitoral hood and/or inner labia.  This is different than hood splitting which is sometimes done to enhance sexual pleasure or for clitoral piercings.  

* Female ejaculation- Fluid released by the paraurethral glands.  It can vary from a couple of drops to 15 ounces.  The fluid can be either urethra ejaculate, a mixture of ejaculate and urine, or only urine.  It really shouldn't matter since this is a part of her sexual being. 

* Female Vacuum Pumping/Pussy Pumping- Making the sub more sensitive and the clitoris larger.  Common usage are nipple pumps or pumps they make for men.  Some use the rubber top of an eyedropper.  Can be done for play or if done regularly will become permanent and would be a body modification.  You can also do labia pumping, you just need a pump to encompass the labia lips.  Genital pumping, again you need one to cover the entire area.  And don't forget nipples can be pumped too.  Tip- Do it slow otherwise it can be too painful when done fast.

* Feminization- To be forced to dress up as a female usually in frilly, lacy clothing.

* Fetish- Attraction or attachment to an idea or object.  Examples- Leather, uniforms, black attire. 

* Fetish clothing- Some consider fetish clothing/attire a costume of some sort, for others dressing in all black is fetish clothing, for another blue jeans and a black t-shirt.  There is no set fetish attire for BDSM.  If you are attending a social function that advertises fetish attire/clothing/wear, check with them to find out what they are expecting, it may make you change your mind about attending.

* Fetters- Metal leg cuffs held together by chain.

* Figging- The Dom/me will use ginger root for anal insertion.  Do NOT use lube, just use water.  Lubricant acts as barrier and prevents the ginger effect.  Use caution when inserting into vagina or urethra of the cock.  The burning might be too intense for some.  For more about food/chemical/plant play click here.

* Finger fucking- Repeated insertion and withdrawal of finger(s) into the vagina or rectum.  

* Fire Flogging- Usually done with poi balls that are designed with a chain and made for fire.  Dom/me does poi spinning but lights the poi balls on fire and then flogs the sub with them.  Use caution to prevent burns or starting a fire.

* Fire play- Where the Dom/me applies fire to the subs body.  Use caution to prevent burns or starting a fire.  Be aware some people are allergic to alcohol.   Pyrophilia- One is aroused from fire use in sex play. 

* First aid- What you do in the case of minor injury.  For some first aid tips click here.

* Fisting- To take one's entire hand and insert into an orifice and slowly curl hand into a fist for fucking.

* Flagging- To wear a specific colored handkerchief to tell others if you are Dom/me/Top or sub/bottom/slave and what kind of activity you are into.  i.e. Red handkerchief on left side means you are Dom/me that likes to do fisting.  Red handkerchief on right side means you are sub that likes to be fisted. 

* Flogging- To hit someone with something similar to a cat o' nine tails.

* Flogged- To be hit with an instrument usually made of leather strips.  

* Foley catheter- A catheter with a balloon that can be inflated with sterile water to hold in place. 

* Food play- To insert food items into orifices.  To apply oils or sauces to body parts for sensations/reactions or for licking off.  For some food play tips/ideas click here.

* Foot worship- To orally service the Dom/me's feet.  Commonly by sucking, kissing, licking the Dom/me's bare feet.  

* Force-me queen/king- A sub that wants/needs/desires to be forced to do something or take punishment.

* Frottage: To rub your body against another person or object to get sexually aroused. 

* FTM- Female to Male transgender person. 

* Fucking- Repeated insertion and withdrawal of cock, dildo, fingers or fist, etc. into vagina or rectum.

Back to Top

G

* Gag- Most common is a rubber ball placed into the mouth to prevent speaking, held by a strap.  Subbies if you have asthma this is NOT something you should do.  If you are going to use a gag anyway, use the O-Ring gag.  This muffles speech but forces the mouth to stay open to allow breathing.  They come in various sizes so shop around for one that works.

* Gay- A Homosexual man. 

* Gates of Hell- Usually made of leather or rubber.  Male chastity device for enclosing or restricting penis and testicles. 

* Genitorture- A term used for pain games to the genital area.  

* Generation X- Term for the new guard. 

* Gift- Some sub's think that by submitting they are giving the Dom/me a gift.  Some Dom/me's think that by domming they are giving the sub a gift.  One of Webster's 1913 definitions of gift: Some exceptional inborn quality or characteristic; a striking or special talent or aptitude; power; faculty; as, the gift of wit; a gift for speaking.  Another of Webster's 1913 definitions of gift: Something acquired without compensation.  Most will agree that there are certain special talents or characteristics necessary to be a sub or a Dom/me.  Most will also agree that neither the sub or the Dom/me would accept not acquiring something in return.  Most Dom/me's would want to acquire submission from the sub and most sub's would want to acquire domination from the Dom/me.  Most would also agree that once the gift of submission or domination is given that you can't take back your gift, and your gift doesn't cease.  So even though it sounds so romantic to say I am giving my gift of domination or submission, think a long hard time before you give such a gift.  

* Given Away- The Dom/me gives the sub to another Dom/me to use (usually for a set amount of time) or in some rare cases to keep. 

* Glory holes- Commonly found in the gay community.  A hole in a partition or wall.  People engage in sexual activity from opposite sides of the hole/opening.  

* Golden Enemas/Douches- Using urine in place of water for enema or douche.

* Golden Showers- Where the Dom/me urinates on the sub, drinking of the urine might be part of this play. 

* Gorean- People who portray the lifestyle as written in the Gor books by John Norman. 

* Governess- Commonly found in Victorian play.  Domme that trains or teaches the subs or those portraying children.

* Greek- A term for anal sexual play. 

* Gun play- Extremely dangerous and could result in loss of life.  When used, mainly for psychological effect.  Tip- Suggest using safeties to reduce risk. 

* Gut punching- A very extreme and rarely used form of punching the upper abdomen.  Damage can be caused with this type of play.

Back to Top

H

* Handballing- Another term for fisting.  

* Handcuffs- Made of metal and found in law enforcement.  Like all metal objects use with care to prevent nerve and bone damage.  You should also use the double lock to prevent accidental tightening.  For safety it is wise for the Dom/me to have the key on something to hang around your neck or wrist.

* Hand job-  To bring one to orgasm by using their hand. 

* Hanging- To suspend the body by the neck.  THIS IS DANGEROUS and can result in death.

* Harness- Can be either for dress/showing off or for attaching to suspension.

* High-heel Training- Used in feminizing a sub or teaching a sub to walk/stand in high-heels, commonly spiked.

* Hir- Usually used by transgender folks as pronoun equivalent to him or her.  

* Hobble skirt- A very narrow skirt just below the knees to restrict movement and cause very small steps.  

* Homage with tongue- To use one's tongue to lick or suck every part of the Dom/me's body as a sign of respect.

* Homophobic- Someone who has an irrational fear of homosexuals. 

* Honor- To have high regard.

* Hood- Commonly leather, latex, PVC or saran wrap.  Something that totally encases the head.  Caution: Check for claustrophobia before using a hood.  Also keep in mind some people are allergic to latex.

* Horse- A bondage piece of furniture. 

* Houseboy/girl- A sub that may or may not live with the Dom/me.  Their responsible for caring/cleaning/maintaining the Dom/me's home.  This may include doing errands, grocery shopping and entertaining guests. 

* Human toilet/training- The Dom/me uses the sub in place of a toilet.  Common on the subs body or in the subs mouth. 

* Humiliate- To hurt, the pride or dignity of someone.  This is rarely used in BDSM.  Erotic humiliation is usually what occurs.  Forcing one to over come inhibitions and do things they normally wouldn't.  Just remember what humiliates one person, may not humiliate another.  For more about Exhibitionism click here. 

* Hy- Used mainly by lesbians as equivalent to him or as a masculine reference.  

* Hym- Usually used by transgender folks as pronoun equivalent to him or her.  

* Hypoxyphilia- Usually a drug like nitrous oxide is used or auto-erotic asphyxiation, to add enhancement to orgasms.

Back to Top

I

* Immobilization- Usually done with rope or saran wrap to create a helplessness in the sub. Some also call this mummification.  

* Implant- To place something inside the body.  Most common are breast implants.  Less common is implanting an object for visual art.  

* Including others- Adding another person to the play.  Can be either another Dom/me or sub. 

* Inflatable doll- A blow up doll usually made of vinyl or rubber designed for insertion of penis into dolls vagina, anal or oral orifice.  When using/purchasing one remember some people are allergic to latex.

* Infantilism- The sub is treated like an infant.  Commonly wears a diaper, sucks on a bottle or breast feeds. 

* Infibulation- Closing the genitals to prevent intercourse and/or arousal.  Commonly done by piercing or suturing. 

* In-role- Creating a persona or fantasy character and acting it out in play.

* Insertable- Anything you can insert into an orifice.  Most common: butt plug, dildo, vegetables. 

* Internal Enslavement- Some feel internal enslavement and total power exchange or erotic power exchange are similar, others don't.  Internal enslavement is consensual ownership in which the sub/slave cannot take back their consent.  

* Interrogations- Oral questioning of the sub that usually comes across as torture or cross examination. 

* Isolation- A form of sensory deprivation, yet done safely. 

* Inverted suspension- Being suspended upside down.  CAUTION:  People with Glaucoma or have had Achilles tendon surgery should avoid this type of play.  Fainting is quite common.  Tip- Always use quick release for this type of play.

Back to Top

J

* Japanese Bondage- Specific style of rope bondage. 

* Journal- Most common is for a sub to write daily their thoughts or things they want their Dom/me to know without fear of being punished.  It is also a place the sub can express desires that they can't bring themselves to verbally express.  Idea for Dom/me with sub's that are new- each day the sub takes one definition out of this dictionary, write it down and then write their feelings about it.  Would you like to do this, does it give you a better understanding? does it make you hot? give you fear? would this be a good punishment? would this be a good reward? do you want to try this activity? etc. 

* Junior Top- A less experienced Dom/me assisting an experienced Dom/me.

Back to Top

K

* Kajira- Gorean term for slavegirl. 

* Karabiner- Commonly called a panic snap or quick release.  A snap used in mountain climbing. 

* Katherine Wheel- A large wheel that a sub can be bound to.  The wheel will rotate or spin.  CAUTION:  People with Glaucoma or motion sickness should avoid this.   

* Keys- To wear a set of keys to tell others if you are Dom/me/Top or sub.   i.e. Keys on the left side means you are Dom/me.  Keys on right side means you are sub/bottom/slave. 

* Kegel exercises- Exercises to help orgasms.  Both men and women should do kegal exercises.  For men this will help stop premature ejaculation and weak erections.  For women it helps tighten the vagina and helps eliminate pain from penetration or cramps and to accelerate orgasms.

* Kinbaku- A type of Japanese rope bondage.

* Kink community- Usually referring to those with alternative lifestyles that get together in social or learning situations.  Those into BDSM, transgender, polyfidelity, gay/lesbian etc. are commonly referred to as part of the kink community

* Kink Friendly- Not kinky themselves but supportive of kinky people. 

* Kinky- Perverted practices is the most common definition of kinky.  Anything beyond someone else's limit is kinky.  The best practice is to ask someone what they think kinky means.

* Klismaphila- One who loves enema play. 

* Kneeling- Showing of respect and quite common in BDSM. 

* Knife play- Using a knife for psychological effect.  Can be used for cutting, but more commonly used for fear or removing wax.  Uses are endless in the hands of a creative Dom/me.  

* Knout- Whip with knotted and wire thongs.

Back to Top

L

* Labia Stretching- Stretching the inner labia (labia minora) making them longer and longer.  They can be stretched to 25 centimeters if spread apart can measure up to 50 centimeters.  Some Dom/me's restrain their subs by the labia.

* Lacing- Using sutures to secure body parts to objects in bondage. 

* Lap dancing- Rubbing ones body against a person that is sitting to create sexual excitement/arousal without touching the genitals.  

* Latex- Used in various synthetic rubber products.  Some clothing and toys are made of latex.  Remember some people are allergic to latex.

* Leather conference/weekend- An organized event consisting of multiple all day events where attendees will have workshops, demos, vendors and a dungeon play space.

* Leather community- Started in the gay men's leather community.  In general, means to be a part of a group of like minded individuals.

* Leatherdyke or Leatherwoman- A lesbian who is in the Leather/BDSM community.  

* Leatherman- A gay man who is in the Leather/BDSM community. 

* Legal- The legal situation of BDSM varies greatly between countries.  In certain countries consensual BDSM is legal. For some tips for dealing with law enforcement in the USA click here.

* Lesbian- A homosexual woman.

* Life-stylers- Those who live and are actively involved in S/m or D/s on a daily basis...Including TPE/EPE/TPT relationships.

* Limit- A place a person believes they do not wish to go.  Limits are always changing and being tested and/or expanded.  Things that are a limit today might not be 6 months from now.  Usually limits occur when the activity/stimulation ceases to be enjoyable or satisfying or a psychological place where one can’t cope. 

* Little Death (also been called Orgasmic Syncope)- Woman (some men as well) experience a sudden, temporary loss of consciousness during orgasm.  Tip- If this happens they should lie flat and raise their legs to increase blood flow back to the brain and heart.  It would be wise to see a doctor and rule out abnormal heart rhythm or any serious health condition.

* Lipstick Lesbian- A very feminine lesbian. 

* Lubricant (Lube)- To enhance comfort and ease of sexual activities.  You should use water-based, water-soluble, petroleum free lubes.  Water-based, etc. will help prevent masking of infections or damaging latex condoms and diaphragms.  Remember some people are allergic to latex and nonoxynol-9.

* Lunge whip- 2 part whip screwed together in the middle with fiberglass core.

Back to Top

M

* Maid training/service- Usually involves dressing in a French maid outfit and cleaning the Dom/me's home and serving the Dom/me. 

* Malacca cane- Commonly known as the whip with a whistle or hammer.  Usually thin with a knob at one end for gripping.

* Manacle- Metal rings connected by chain to wrists and/or ankles.

* Marks- Something that might happen during the course of play.  Bruises are the most common “mark.”

* Markings- Commonly done when 2 enter into full time relationships. Typical marking types- branding, piercing or tattoo.  For more about Markings click here. 

* Martinet whip- Commonly used in French schools and homes into the late 1970's.  Very similar to a cat o'nine tails.

* Masochism- Getting of pleasure, often sexual, from being hurt or humiliated.

* Master/Mistress- A title/term for those that "live" as a Dom/me. Webster's- A man who rules others or has control over something. 

* Masturbation- To touch yourself to produce favorable sensations usually resulting in orgasm(s).  The Dom/me can control when or if the sub has an orgasm.

* Medical play- The Dom/me is often a surgeon, doctor or nurse.  Common activities are vaginal or rectal exams, enemas, catheters or sounds.  Some play might involve injections or play piercings. 

* Ménage à trois- Commonly a married couple adding another for sex.  

* Menophilist- One who is aroused by menstruating women.

* Mental bondage- Being forced to remain in a position by orders of the Dom/me.  Kind of rope less bondage.

* Mentor- A tutor, a coach, a guide, a trusted counselor.  

* Military Play- Most common is rank, uniforms and things you would find in the military but used during play.

* Mind Fuck- The Dom/me uses whatever means to heighten anticipation or heighten fear to intensify the subs reaction.  Some deliberately mislead the sub to believe that the worse possible outcome is about to occur. 

* Mouth bits- Similar to a ball gag but a bar shape.  Commonly used in pony play.

* MTF- Male to Female transgender person. 

* Mummification- Full body bondage.  Common: To be wrapped in saran wrap till completely immobilized.  Holes might be made to access specific areas.  Hoods might be used and breathing restricted or controlled.  Caution: Check for claustrophobia before confining someone.  For more about mummification using saran/cling wrap click here.

* Munch- A set time and place where people with BDSM interest gather for a meal and usually discussion.  It is a great way for those new to learn about BDSM in a non-threatening environment.  You don't have to know protocols, history or have a letter of introduction.  Best thing about the munches: this is one place new (and old-timers) people can attend and find new friends.   For more about munch locations click here.

Back to Top

N

* Nailing- To hammer nails into ones genitals.  Most common is in CBT play.  As surprising as it may sound, little long term damage is done with nails through the scrotum.  Testicles or the penis, would require extreme caution.  Most noted practitioner: Bob Flanagan AKA Supermasochist.  You can see him do a self nailing in Sick: the life and death of Bob Flanagan, Supermasochist.

* Negotiation- What is done before play or a long term relationship where both people state what they will and will not accept from each other. 

* Nettles- A plant that can cause pretty intense short-term stinging.  Tip- To get the discomfort to stop quickly you can wash the exposed area.  For more about food/chemical/plant play click here.

* Newbie- Someone new to BDSM scene/lifestyle.  

* New guard- Generally do not follow the old guard ways.  More informal, casual, less traditional.  Easier to switch between Dom/me and sub.  Kinda like the differences in living and working in the 1950's and now.

* Nipple torture- Playing with nipples with things such as clamps, clothespins, fingernails, nipple noose, teeth.  Adding weights for added pleasure or pain. 

*Non Consensual- Against ones will, without permission. 

* Nostril strap- More common in Japanese BDSM.  A device hooked into the nostrils for humiliation and torment.  Commonly bent wire with a string attached.

* Novice- Someone new to BDSM scene/lifestyle/play.

Back to Top

O

* Obedience- To obey the Dom/me's commands without questioning. 

* Odaxelagnia- To become aroused from biting.

* Old Guard- Born out of the end of WWII, by gay leather men. Code words were used: 'Do you play the mandolin or the saxophone?' to discover which of them was the masochist or the sadist by the first letter of these instruments. For the era and the times, The Old Guard and its rigid social structure and manners/protocols were needed. The Old Guard will always be around, it is tradition. 

* OTK- Over The Knee.  Commonly refers to spanking.  Generally over the lap is used.  The Dom/me gets a better sitting position as the sub lays across the Dom/me's lap.

* Outed- To have someone other than yourself tell the public you are into BDSM or a homosexual.  Usually used as a weapon against people to cause harm. 

* Omnisexual- People sexually attracted to all sexes. 

* Oral sex- Cunnilingus, fellatio and rimming are the most common.  Gag reflex is most common with fellatio.  Gag reflex comes from a spot in the throat so this does not affect cunnilingus.

* Orgasm- The intense pleasure of a sexual act.  For both men and women it is often accompanied by ejaculation.  Orgasms can be denied by the Dom/me.  The Dom/me can order the submissive to control the orgasm and not have one until given permission. For more about orgasms click here.

* Owner- A term used for those that “live” as an Owner of their property (sub). 

Back to Top

P

* PA- Prince Albert piercing.  A piercing that goes in the urethra and out by the sweet spot of the penis (frenum).  Made popular by Prince Albert of England, Queen Victoria's husband.  Also known as a "Dressing Ring" supposedly to attach his penis to his thigh so as not to have a visible bulge in the tight pants he wore.

* Packing- A lesbian wearing a strap on dildo or something to create an illusion of a cock in their pants, a dildo is commonly used, worn under their clothing. 

* Paddle- Commonly wood, leather or metal.  Some have holes drilled through them.  Used primarily for spanking.  

* Pain- Physical or mental suffering caused by injury, disease, grief, etc.  People involved with BDSM do not like a paper cut or a stubbed toe any more than the rest of the people in the world.  Most "pain" in BDSM is erotic pain.  Erotic pain is something that most would consider painful if not in a arousing or sexual manner. 

* Pain slut- One who craves and wants heavy pain sensations.  

* Painful or predicament bondage- Tying someone in a position that isn't painful until released.

* Panic Snaps- A device to quickly get a person free without needing to spend time in an emergency situation. 

* Pansexual- A person who participates in sexual activities of many kinds.  Is capable of being attracted to more than just males or females; they don't limit themselves to genders and are attracted to transsexuals, hermaphrodites, androgynies, intersexes, and pretty much any gender identity you can think of.

* Panty play- When the Dom/me has the sub, usually a male wear feminine under clothing or lingerie.  

* Parachute- Usually made of leather or rubber and shaped like a parachute.  Attached to the testicles or penis.  Sometimes weights are also attached to the parachute. 

* Pearl necklace- When a man ejaculates onto a neck, usually a woman's neck.  The drops look like pearls. 

* Penis ligation- The tying of the foreskin of the penis.

* Percussion- Any type of striking type play.  i.e. spanking, flogging, caning. 

* Pervertible- An expression used to described items not intended for sexual use.  i.e. wooden spoons, chopsticks, spatulas, clothes pins, saran wrap, etc. 

* Phone sex- Verbal exchange to bring sexual arousal and possibly orgasm by one or both parties.

* Piercing- To penetrate or cut through skin with a sharp instrument, commonly a needle.  Permanent or temp/play piercings.  Done on various body parts.  

* Pillory- A post with a wood frame with holes for head and hands, very similar to stocks.

* Play- To act in a specific way.  Commonly used as reference to Dom/me-sub activity, i.e., flogging, sensations, bondage, etc.

* Players- Those that enjoy the erotic aspects of Power Exchange but not wishing to live the lifestyle, or those wishing to expand their "vanilla lives. 

* Play Party- A place that can be either public or private at which BDSM play/scenes are allowed.  Common to be called or referred to as a dungeon.  Each venue will have their own rules which are followed by all attending.  For more about play parties click here.

* Playroom- A room in ones home or at a play party set up for BDSM play/scenes/gathering.

* Poly (Polyamory)- One that has multiple relationships with others.  Rarely do the others have relationships with each other.  Some call it responsible non-monogamy.  Also called: group marriage, non-monogamy, open marriage.  
There are some sub groupings: 
Polyfidelity- Group of people committed to each other and do not have sex or romantic ties outside of the commitment group.
Polysexual- Pretty much swingers, having sex and no commitment with others, often done in groups. 

* Post orgasmic pain or cramps- Caused by relocation and contraction of the uterus, or uterus tilting or rotating.  Pain or cramps often occur around the low abdomen, perineum, anus and tailbone.  Orgasm burns a lot of hormones and neurotransmitter acetylcholine, resulting an abrupt drop of PGE-1 production in the tissues causing the pain or cramps.

* Pony play- A submissive trained to portray and act like a pony.  Some will wear saddles and give rides, others will pull carts.  

* Popper- A liquid that is sniffed and increases the heart rate and blood pressure.  Some say they get a rush or light headed.  Common name- amyl nitrite.  Some feel it intensities the orgasm.  This can be dangerous and in some cases can cause death. 

* Position training- The Dom/me trains the sub to be in a certain position under certain circumstances or by specific orders.

* Post-op- Post operative, one who has completed transgender surgery. 

* Post scene plunge- Either Dom/me or submissive can feel depressed, remorse, disgust, fear, depression, etc. after participating in BDSM play.

* Pre-op- Pre operative, one who has not had transgender surgery yet. 

* Pro-Domme- Usually a professional that charges for their service.  Does not include sex.

* Property- A term used for those that “live” as property to their Owner. 

* Prostrate Milking- Massaging the prostate internally (with butt plug, dildo or finger) causing ejaculation without touching the penis.  This is used to frustrate males and removes the orgasms.  Commonly used in combination with masturbating the male subbie as least once a day, every day just to the edge of orgasm and then putting him in a chastity device.

* Protector- Someone who watches over a sub when asked by the sub or by the sub's Dom/me.  Sometimes a protector will take the place of Dom/me at an event or function. 

* Protocol- Webster's- An original draft of a document, the ceremonial forms of accepted as correct in official dealings as between head of states or diplomatic officials.
There are no set protocols or rules for BDSM in general.  Some organizations within the BDSM community have protocol or rules.  Usually you will find normal manners and courtesy just like the rest of society.  Customs/protocol vary from city to city, state to state, country to country.  You might try to find out what is considered local community rules/protocol and use your common sense on which you choose to use or not use.  You will usually find specific play party protocol/rules and those you agree to follow while attending the play party. 

* Psychological bondage- Being forced to remain in a position by orders of the Dom/me.  Kind of rope less bondage.

* Pubic hair sculpturing- To remove some pubic hair so what is left forms a pattern.  i.e. padlock, arrow or heart.

* Public sex/outdoor play- People who enjoy engaging in sex and/or play in outdoor spaces.  Others watching may or may not be part of this activity.

* Punch fisting- A very extreme and rarely used form of fisting.

* Punishment- There is punishment within play, called play punishment.  These are usually activities done so the bottom gets enjoyment from them.  Discipline punishment is real and is painful and not meant for pleasure. 

* Puppy- A sub that is trained to portray and act like a dog. 

* Pushy bottom-  One who pushes the Dom/me demanding attention.

* PVC (poly vinyl chloride)- Used for fetish garments. 

Back to Top

Q

* Quirt- A long whip.  

* Queening- The Dom/me sits on the side of the subs face as a form of bondage.

* Queer- Term used to cover lesbians, gays, bisexuals, omnisexuals, transsexuals, pansexual and transgender. 

* Quick release- A device to quickly get a person free without needing to spend time in an emergency situation. 

Back to Top

R

* RACK-Risk Aware Consensual Kink.  Also a medieval torture device. For more about SSC and RACK click here.

* Ramping- A process the Dom/me does taking a certain activity and slowly builds it up to a peak, holding the sub at the peak for a while and then slowly coming back down so that the endorphins/high and the feeling of closeness aren't lost.  For more about ramping click here.

* Rebreathing- An extreme form of breath control.  One breathes into an airtight enclosure as the oxygen is exhausted and replaced with exhaled carbon dioxide.  Very dangerous and suffocation can occur.

* Restraint- Commonly straps with buckles.  Usually for fastening body parts together.  i.e. ankles, elbows, legs, wrists.  

* Restriction- Limiting someone's movement or action.  i.e. limiting movement, making the subbies eyes be to the ground at all times.  

* Resistance- The subs attempt to retreat or fight doing as ordered. 

* Respect- To feel or show honor or esteem for. 

* Responsible/Responsibility- Being responsible for you own conduct.  You are accountable, answerable, obligated, for your own actions and choices.  
In BDSM you should not fall into the trap of thinking/believing/fantasy: 
In the end the Dom/me is the one responsible or has the responsibility.  
In the end the sub/bottom/slave is the one responsible or has the responsibility.  
Bottom line-- You are the only one responsible for you.

* Retifism- Shoe fetish.  A retifist becomes focused on the shoe for arousal.  Some only need one shoe and not a person to be satisfied.  A retifist will make love to a shoe-licking, caressing, etc.

* Riding crop- Intended for use on horses.  Long rod with loop of leather on the end. 

* Rimming- To insert one's tongue into another's anus. 

* Ritual- Specific conduct or action.  Common: For a sub to have a set mantra to say each morning when they wake up and one when they go to bed.

* R/L- Real life. 

* R/T- Real time.

* Role Playing- For those that wish to be somebody else for a specific period of time.  Examples: School teacher/student, Pirate/captive, Officer/private, Burglar/victim, Pimp/hooker, Parent/child, Noble/servant, Sultan/concubine, etc.  

* Roman Showers- Where the Dom/me vomits on the bottom, eating of the vomit might be part of this play. 

* Rules- There are no protocols or rules in BDSM, except the ones between those involved.  There are normal manners and courtesy just like the rest of society.  For more about rules click here.

Back to Top

S

* Sadism- Getting pleasure from mistreating others. 

* Safe call- Some folks want this added security when playing with a person for the first time.  (see online page for a detailed description).  Some folks feel this is just pseudo-security for the terminally gullible. 

* Safe sex- Concept of reducing the risk of STD's and HIV.  Generally condoms for intercourse and vinyl gloves for fisting.
Disclaimer: Remember the best you can do is reduce the risk of passing disease.  In general you don't have to worry about saliva, perspiration, pee or shit on the outside of the body.  You DO need to be concern about blood, semen and vaginal secretions that go from one to another.  Always check with a trusted medical doctor, medical authority, or disease control for the latest information about cleaning of toys and disease transmission.  

* Safety scissors- Also called paramedic or EMT sheers.  Rounded ends, heavy blade for cutting through rope and leather in an emergency situation.

* Safeword- This is something the bottom/submissive can use to slow down or stop whatever is being done to them.  Dom/me's can also use safewords, but is less common.  Using a safe word does not mean anything beyond what the word represents.  i.e., a safe word for slowing down, for checking in, for I need to talk about this now, etc.  Never think less of the person for using their safeword. 

* S.A.D.- Smart ass Dom/me.  They are known to do/say things such as: The submissive begs to cum, the Dom/me looks perplexed and says "silly, you are already here." 

* Saran Wrap- Can be used for mummification or as a barrier for analingus or cunnilingus to help prevent the spread of STDs. For more about saran wrap mummification click here.

* S.A.M. or Sammie- Smart ass masochist.  SAMs can be a lot of work, especially if they are the type to attempt to control everything the Top does, your energy will be spent trying to control them.

* S.A.S./Sassy- (this is a term I came up with) Smart assed submissive/slave.  To me it's much better to say “don’t sas me” or “my we are sassy tonight” than using term sam/sammie. 

* Scat- Involves human feces.  This can range from eating feces to being watched while having a bowel movement, being made to wear a diaper and soil them to having an enema done.  Be concerned of bacterial infection that might be caused by ingestion of feces, it could be fatal. 

* Scarification- Usually done with a scalpel.  These are done to be permanent, usually by re-doing the cutting in the same place (keloid) over and over.

* Scene- Those "players" would go to "play parties" for non-vanilla play.  To some it is also pre-planned play with possible role-playing.  

* Scourging- A severe whipping usually to draw blood. 

* Scrotal infusion- The Dom/me infuses saline into the scrotal sack of the sub so that it enlarges.

* Self bondage- Bondage done to oneself.  This can be a dangerous activity especially when combined with auto-erotic asphyxiation.

* Sensory deprivation- To remove one or more senses from the sub.  i.e. blindfold, gag, headsets to block or reduce auditory and sometimes olfactory (smell).  

* Sensory enhancement- To increase arousal by increased body sensations.

* Sensory relocation- Redirecting or transferring the feeling to a different part of the body than where it is received.  

* Sensual play- BDSM play without the use of pain focusing more on stimulation. 

* Serving- To do something for the Dom/me.

* Sexual deprivation- Usually used to build a sub to mind blowing orgasms.  Can be used as punishment as well. 

* Shackle- Metal cuff joined by a chain, commonly called irons. 

* Shaving- Removal of body hair commonly done with a razor.

* Sjambok/Shambock- Used for crowd control by South African Police.  Commonly made of rhinoceros hide, hippopotamus hide or extruded virgin black plastic.  Very good flexibility that does most the work so little physical strength is needed.  It is used like a cane with lightening speed, quite a lot of devastating and possibly destructive power.  Used for self protection and good for use against deadly snakes.

* Shibari- Japanese Rope bondage.

* Sie- Usually used by transgender folks as pronoun equivalent to him or her. 

* Single tail- A whip that is plaited, similar to a small bull whip used with sled dogs. 

* Signal whip- A whip that is plaited, similar to a small bull whip used with sled dogs. 

* Slapper- A paddle that has two pieces of leather that make a loud sound when used. 

* Sleepsack- Usually made of leather or rubber similar to a sleeping bag for a more intense form of bondage.

* Slavegirl/boy- A title/term for those that "live" as a submissive.  Webster's- A human being who is owned as property by another; a person having no freedom or personal rights. 

* Sling- Usually made of leather to support the persons full body weight.  Commonly used for fucking.

* Snake bite kit- 2 rubber suction cups that are applied to various body parts.  Commonly used on nipples and genitals.  Can leave a round mark similar to a hickey.  Make sure the rubber doesn't contain latex as some people are allergic to latex.

* S/m- Sado Masochism 

* Sounds- Medical instrument that is used in CBT usually highly pleasurable.  This is risky play because you could damage the urethra.  Infections can be reduced by using sterile equipment.  Subbies if you have gonorrhea, kidney stones, or have had lots of bladder infections, avoid sound play.  Also keep your eye on inflammation from this type of play it could lead to neurogenic bladder.

* Spanking- To be hit with a bare hand or palm or implement such as a whip, belt, paddle or cane to name a few.  Commonly on the sub's ass.  For more about spanking click here.

* Speculum- A medical instrument for opening and expanding vagina or anus. 

* Spiritual BDSM- Religious, esoteric or pagan path to consensual BDSM slavery.  For scriptures and things to ponder click here.  

* Spreader bars- Something to keep specific body parts away from each other. 

* Squeeze signal- Non verbal safe word.  Usually done by squeezing the other persons hand to signal something is wrong.

* SSC- Safe Sane Consensual  For more about SSC and RACK click here

* St. Andrews Cross- Usually made of wood in the shape of an X.  The submissive is tied to the X to spread arms, legs or both.  

* Stapling- Medical stapler is used to staple the body.  i.e. labia lips stapled together, edge of cock to leg or abdomen.  Warning- Not for the untrained.  Watch for infections. 

* Straight jacket- Used on prisoners, psychiatric patients and magician/escape artists.  Commonly canvas or leather jacket with closed end sleeves, with various straps and buckles.  Used for bondage play.  

* STD- Sexual Transmitted Disease. 

* Sting- A sharp biting feel to the body part being touched. 

* Stocks- From medieval times.  Wood with holes for locking neck and wrists and/or ankles together.

* Stone butch- Masculine woman, commonly mistaken for a man.  Quite common to not want herself touched on the genitals for sex or has trouble expressing or showing her emotions or not wanting to be touched at all.  Some stone butches have some or all of these traits. 

* Stone femme- Ultra feminine woman.  Quite common to not want herself touched on the genitals for sex or has trouble expressing or showing her emotions or not wanting to be touched at all.  Some stone femmes have some or all of these traits. 

* Strobe Light- Some think it adds a mesmerizing feel to play/scene, others feel it disorients the subs.  WARNING: Strobe lights or flickering candles can trigger hidden epilepsy seizures.  This activity should not be done in a public setting or demo/lecture/workshop, you could cause someone a seizure by your use of a strobe light.

* Strap-on- A dildo harness.  Commonly one that is located in the crotch area or on the thigh.

* submissive- The person not in charge, the one that has things done to them by someone else.  To yield to the control or power of another.  For more about submissive click here.

* sub drop- Can last from a few minutes to a few days.  sub's can feel all weepy to upset to clingy to jittery to angry to feeling lost.  
A few of the contributing factors:
The sudden loss of endorphins and in some cases the loss of adrenalin, the emotional high that ends, the end of the euphoric sensations and the end of feeling the closeness between you.  sub's can be experiencing guilt, shame, depression, their reactions to things can be a millions times stronger than normal for them.  The loss of the intense connection with their Dom/me and if they aren't living together add them feeling empty and toss in separation anxiety to the mix.  They will feel like they were kicked out of an airplane without a parachute.  If edge play has been done there might be anger from the sub from feeling violated or that their limits were broken or they may be very emotional and need to feel loved, wanted/needed, etc. because they are now at a new place you have pushed them to.  Even greater anger or emotional upset if not enough aftercare is done by the Dom/me.  The key is to recognize sub drop and know it will end very soon.  Dom/me's your job is to give TONS of reassurance, and subs you need to give reassurance back to your Dom/me, both of you need to hear how much fun it was, how great things went, how much you love each other, etc.

*Subspace- A place the mind goes when endorphins kick in or when they feel a very strong connection to their Dom/me.  Some describe this as floating on a cloud. 

* Suspension- The submissive's weight is totally or partial suspended.  Commonly combined with bondage, harnesses or suspension cuffs.

* Squick (term I help make popular)- A term used to say that is way beyond me..."that squicked me"

* Switch- Person who enjoys both Dom/me and submissive roles.  For more about Dominissive/Switch click here.

* S/w- Sado Wackosism (This is a term I came up with--comedy during play/sex!).  Nothing more fun than a subbie/bottom/slave moaning in pain one minute and laughing the next....screaming from a whack to laughing out loud the next moment. 

* Syr- Used mainly by lesbians as equivalent to him or as a masculine reference.  

Back to Top

T

* Take down play- The Dom/me verbally and physically takes the sub down (might include body slamming), usually to the floor/bed/piece of equipment etc. usually restraining them.  While the sub resists verbally as well as physically struggles/fights/hits/kicks, etc. while trying not to be taken down.  Can appear to those observing as non-consensual, when it is consensual.  Tip-If you are going to do this at a party, let the host/hostess/DM know ahead of time.  It will save you from having someone interfering where they don't belong based on what they see. 

* Talon- Worn over finger(s), metal with sharp points.  Can be used for scratching or causing shivers, or both.

* Tantric sex- Is meditative, spontaneous and intimate lovemaking.  Men can prolong the act of making love and delay their orgasm indefinitely, as well as having a post-orgasm energy boost rather than the normal energy drain. Women can have unending orgasms.  There is no goal in Tantric sex, only the present moment of perfect and harmonious union.  Tantra teaches you to revere your sexual partner and to transform the act of sex into a sacrament of love.  Kama Sutra positions are commonly used.

* Tampon training- Usually done to males to feminize them. Tampons are inserted rectally.  Usually referred to as male menstrual cycle training.

* Tattoo- Permanent and temporary.  Permanent involves ink under the skin.  Temporary is something that can last a day to a few weeks.  Henna is a popular temp tattoo product. 

* Tawse- Leather strap split in two most of the length. 

* Teledildonics- To become aroused from computer sex games. 

* Temperature Play/Control- The Dom/me will use items to alter or control the subs body temperature.  Common use: ice, hot ointments, hot water bottles, etc.

* TENS unit- Transcutaneous Electronic Nerve Stimulator.  A medical device for delivering electrical pulses that you control the strength and frequency of to specific areas of the body.  This type of play should NOT be done by beginners.  ALWAYS get training from one of the few experts in the field of Electrical play.  

* Terror play- The Dom/me uses terror or fear to bring sexual arousal to the sub and/or themselves.

* Tethering- Tying someone to one spot to limit their movement.  

* Thilpsosis- The Dom/me becomes sexually aroused by pinching the sub.

* Thud- A deep massaging feel to the body part being touched.  Can leave deep bruising if done correctly.

* Thumb cuffs- Made of metal similar to handcuffs.  Like all metal objects use with care to prevent nerve and bone damage.

* Tickling- To cause jumping movements, cause laughter.  Commonly done with a feather. 

* Titleholder- A person that has won a leather contest in the BDSM community.  Commonly an ambassador of good will and one to promote BDSM in a positive light.

* Top- A term used for most that "play" in the Dom/me role.  The one that controls things but only for the play time.

* Topping from the bottom- Where the sub directs the Top what to do or how to do things to them. 

* Top's disease- Where one believes they are dominant and superior to every one.  A state of self-delusion. 

* Torture- Extreme, unbearable suffering, physical or mental pain.  Torture is not part BDSM.

* TPE- Total Power Exchange (usually no safewords used, usually those 24/7).  Considered negotiated codependence. ~see terminology page for newbies for longer explanation.   

* TPT- Total Power Transfer.  The sub transfers the power/authority to the Dom/me.  After the starting out negotiations, negotiation does not occur very often if at all.  Similar to internal enslavement. 

* Trainer- To instruct so as to make proficient.

* Transformation scene- Play in which one or more transform into another gender or species.

* Transgender- A person who has had an operation to change their birth sex.  

* Transsexual- A person who believes their birth sex was incorrect and lives completely in the gender opposite of their birth sex.  

* Transvestite- A person that regularly dresses in clothing of the opposite sex.  Usually not dressing up for play. 

* Troll- A term used in online chat rooms and occasionally at gatherings for a person that in the style of fishing, trails bait hoping for a bite.  They usually are aiming for the newbie as they try to be savvy and claim experience, yet they have none.  There is a second type of troll who accuse those that actually live and participate in real life BDSM of beings clueless and not knowing what they are talking about, usually accompanied by their clueless and often dangerous BDSM advice.  There is the last type of troll, their purpose is to annoy, upset and disrupt discussions, hoping for an argument as well as hoping to be personally attacked.  They tend to have no real interest in learning about the topic being discussed.  They really have no redeeming characteristics and are considered by most to be a lower form of life.

* Triple penetration- Having three openings filled at once.  Anus, vagina, urethra or mouth. Commonly anus/vagina/mouth.  

* True/Real Dom/me/Top/Master/Mistress- It has nothing to do with quality and technical knowledge doesn't make for experienced.  To call oneself true/real implies that any other form of dominance is less or false.  There is no right or wrong way to be a Dom/me/Top/Master/Mistress, it depends on the desires of those involved. 

* True/Real sub/slave/bottom- It has nothing to do with quality and technical knowledge doesn't make for experienced.  To call oneself true/real implies that any other form of submission is less or false.  There is no right or wrong way to be a sub/slave/bottom, it depends on the desires of those involved. 

* True submission (also called sub heart)- It is an art.  It goes far beyond just serving, being trained, punished or rewarded.  You immerse yourself as deeply as you can into being controlled by your Dom/me.  It is mental, spiritual, and physical, not just a means to arousal.  You lose ability to do anything but obey--auto responsive. 

* Trust- The foundation on which BDSM is built.  It is not one sided.  The Dom/me has to trust the sub to handle responsibility and abide by the rules set for them.  The sub has to trust the Dom/me with their life and trust the Dom/me to not emotionally, mentally or physically abuse them.  Both must get from the other: Truthfulness, honesty, to never abandon, to never cheat, to keep commitments/promises and their word, and be open about everything.  Webster's- To have confidence in.  To commit to a person's care.  To allow to do something without misgivings.  To believe.  To hope; expect.  Firm belief in the honesty, reliability, etc. of another.  
Synonyms: Faith, confidence, reliance, dependence.  
Trust implies depth and assurance of feeling that is often based on inconclusive evidence.
Faith connotes unquestioning, often emotionally charged belief.
Confidence frequently implies stronger ground for assurance.
Reliance connotes a confident and trustful commitment to another.
Dependence suggests reliance on another to whom one is often subordinate.

Back to Top

U  

* Urethral play- Play involving urethra.  Commonly used are sounds and catheters.  This is risky play because you could damage the urethra.  Infections can be reduced by using sterile equipment.  Subbies if you have gonorrhea, kidney stones, or have had lots of bladder infections, avoid sound play.  Also keep your eye on inflammation from this type of play it could lead to neurogenic bladder.

* Urtication- The Dom/me uses nettles to create extra sensations of the sub.  For more about food/chemical/plant play click here.

Back to Top

V

* Vanilla- Not a person into BDSM.   Ingrained society norms and referred to as "mainstream."  Pro-creation sex between a man and woman.   For tips about getting your partner into in BDSM click here.

* Vampire/Vampyre- Vampire found in fiction- psychic, blood, supernatural and undead.  Vampyre is someone that mimics the life of vampires.  Known as social vampire or vampyre lifestyler.

* Vampire glove- A glove that has sharp metal tacks or tines sticking out.  Some will also have fur hiding the tacks. 

* Vampire Play/scene- Usually done by those with a blood fetish.  Commonly includes biting and/or exchange of fluids.

* VD- Venereal disease. 

* V/L- Virtual life (online)

* V/R- Virtual reality (online)

* V/T- Virtual time (online)

* Vibrator- Object that vibrates for sexual stimulation.  Some are insertable, some remote controlled.

* Victorian play- Centered around civility, proper etiquette, proper positions, gender defines the behavior.

* Violet Wand- A device that creates high-frequency, high-voltage, very low current electricity.  Touching the tube causes a static shock, similar to shuffling your feet across a new carpet and zapping someone.  Tip- Keep away from face, especially the eyes.

* Voice training- Slave is taught to speak with a particular inflection and pattern the Dom/me finds befitting for the slave.  This can change by the mode the slave is put into by the Dom/me.

* Voyeurism- To watch others sexual play, often providing the person watching with sexual gratification.

Back to Top

W

* Wanker- Commonly found at play parties.  Is usually a male stroking/playing with his penis and usually has a goal of cumming.  Yes there are women wankers as well, just very rare.

* Wartenburg wheel- Neurological nerve tester mainly for spinal chord injuries.  A wheel that has very sharp pin points. 

* Water sports- Where the Dom/me urinates on the bottom, drinking of the urine might be part of this play. 

* Wax play- The Dom/me dribbles or pours melted wax on the sub, usually on various body parts.  There are low burning and hot burning waxes, so be sure you know what kind you are using so not to accidentally burn the sub.  Candles with metal flecks can cause burning.  Different colors also heat differently.  Beeswax should be left for those with experience.  Votive or alter candles are the most common used in wax play.  WARNING: Flickering candles or strobe lights can trigger hidden epilepsy seizures.  This activity is not advisable in a public setting, since you could cause someone a seizure by your use of a candle or strobe light.  For more about wax play click here.  

* Web- Used in bondage to tie the submissive in a specific position.  Commonly made of rope or chain in the design of a spiders web.

* Weekend Warrior- Those that wish to experience BDSM sensations only in the bedroom or at a “play party.” 

* Whip- To use an implement to strike a body part.  Commonly used is a cat o'nine tails or flogger. 

* Workshop- A place one goes to learn from an expert about a subject, technique or type of play.  It might also include a demonstration, hands on experience and books or hand outs.

* Wrapping- When the tips of the whip or implement strikes parts of the body not intended.  Bruising in spots the Dom/me was not aiming for is often a sign of a careless or incompetent Dom/me who is probably unaware of the damage being done.  

* Wrestling- Physical struggle between two or more people for sexual arousal.

* Wrist cuffs- Usually made of leather.  Restraints fit around the wrists.

Back to Top

X  

* X-frame- Also called a St. Andrews Cross.

* Xenophilia- Someone who is sexually aroused by strangers. 

* Xeronisus- One who is unable to reach orgasm. 

* Xylophilia- One who is sexually excited by wooden objects.

* Xylophone mallets- Used like a paddle or cane in percussion play.

Back to Top

Y

* YKIOK- Your Kink Is Okay.  Accepting of other peoples kinky yet consensual play/interactions.

Back to Top

Z

* Zipper- Clothespins that are strung together so they can be removed very quickly.

* Zoophilia- Someone who enjoys sexual interactions with animals.

Back to Top

gold bar

Links

gold bar

gold circle Home gold circle Terminology For Newbies  gold circle Toy Care  gold circle BDSM Library   gold circle Online Tips  gold circle BDSM Dictionary  

gold circle Autobiographical  gold circle Rules and Rights gold circle Checklist gold circle BDSM History  gold circle Site Map gold circle Awards-Links  gold circle Creative Toys  

gold circle Link Exchange and Web Rings  gold circle Negotiation Form  gold circle Tips for those Disabled/Handicap  gold circle Phases of BDSM

gold circle Electric Switch's book  gold circle  Reviews of Products

In Association with Amazon.com
   Barnes& Noble.com


This web site is STRICTLY a site for education but u
ntil the Department of Justice obscenity prosecutions become more clearly defined we are self-censoring our web site and removing any material that might be questionable in eyes of the anti-obscenity squad.  We certain hope that DOJ does not mix/confuse education sites with obscenity. 

For more information on the topic above and/or the example of what could occur see Electric Switch's book.

WARNING: This web site does contain information of a mature theme regarding alternative sexuality and is unsuitable for minors.  If you are under the age of consent (usually 18 years and over, depending upon your area) for your county, state, or country in the locations in which you accessing these web pages, you may not access any of our web pages. 


© Copyright 1985, 1996, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2008  by Electric Switch of the West All rights reserved  No part may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any electronic means, including photocopying, recording or by any information or retrieval system, without the written permission of the authors. 
Nothing in BDSM or life in general is without risk.  We do not have control over the use of this information.  If you use any information from bdsm-education.com or Electric Switch of the West, or any other authors found on www.bdsm-education.com  you use this information at your own risk.  The information found on www.bdsm-education.com is intended as information, and not intended to replace common sense.  Under no circumstances should you use any information from this web site without further research, and risk assessment.  Never use any of this information in place of a trusted medical doctor, medical authority, or disease control office.  bdsm-education.com and Electric Switch of the West place all information and resources on www.bdsm-education.com in good faith and with no ill intent.  Everyone accessing this information must take the necessary precautions to prevent physical or psychological damage to themselves or others, including but not limited to the transmission of disease.  By access
ing this information you are agreeing that you do so at your own risk and bdsm-education.com and Electric Switch of the West or any author's articles on bdsm-education.com  shall not be liable for any direct, indirect, incidental, special or consequential damages resulting from the use of anything obtained through your use of www.bdsm-education.com.  Links to other web sites are offered for your convenience and do not constitute an endorsement of those web sites. 

Comments, questions, concerns about this site? Email the webmaster: 

This page is Valid HTML 4.01