BDSM Education- Tips For Those Disabled/Handicapped

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This will hopefully help those of you with some impairment, disability, disease, or handicap that impacts your play.  I am no expert on all the things I will talk about.  Some I will have first hand knowledge of, other info is from listening to those with the disabilities/handicaps.  

Let's set the record straight (so to speak).  Disabled people want sex and are interested in sex just like everyone else.  Professionals unfortunately help keep damaging myths alive by thinking and stating that people with disabilities can't have sex, or aren't interested or don't want sex.  It's your job to help educate people that just because you have a disability you are no different than they are, you just have to do things at times in a different manner than they do.  

The same goes for BDSM play, disabled people want to play and are interested in play just like everyone else.  Disabled people aren't going to be hurt, put in pain or break any more than anyone else.  Nothing is more damaging and prejudiced than someone not wanting to play with you just because you're disabled.  Approach playing with someone disabled just like you would anyone else.  Most people involved in BDSM already talk about the play they are willing to do and lay out the yes, no, maybe and I can do that only if in blah position.  Guess what?  Same with someone with a disability.  COMMUNICATION!  There is no disability that can't be worked around with a bit of creativity and effort.

We need to get event planners to plan for those with disabilities.  Dungeons/play spaces, weekend events, workshops, etc. need to be accessible to those handicapable.  People without disabilities/handicaps need to start letting places know that not being totally accessible is not okay.  You might want to even stop attending events until they correct the problems.  

Tips for places trying to be more accommodating/accessible- 
Ramps should have edges and not be too steep (1:16 to 1:20 are the norm, but keep in mind a 30 foot long ramp that is 1:12 can't be managed well by most).  
Ramps need to be a minimum width of 36 inches and support a minimum of 1000 pounds.  If the person is on the larger side of life and is being pushed by someone large the ramp has to hold them. 
Lift- Should have minimum weight capacity of 500 lbs and be capable of sustaining a static load of at least 1.5 times the rated load.  A person that weighs 300 lbs and a electric wheel chair or electric scooter on the lift and the 500 lb capacity will be barely enough to get them up or down.  Getting stuck on a lift is highly embarrassing to the disabled person.  
Lift should also be at least 36 inches wide and long enough to accommodate an electric scooter (minimum 55 inches).
Having a lift that uses a universal key will be very helpful and not cause the disabled person to wait for someone to find the key to operate the lift.
Floor surfaces do impact wheelchair movement.
Having doorway openings and aisles/paths at least 36 inches wide.  This will accommodate most wheelchairs (manual and electric) and electric scooters.  
You need to allow for space for turning and moving.  
Make sure there is enough space for a wheelchair around each piece of play equipment in the entire facility.
Accessible restroom, make them large enough to easily turn/maneuver a wheelchair/scooter.  Think about corners, angles, and aisle/path width.
Make your establishment scent free and smoke free.  Having a scent-free environment is just like having wheelchair ramps, it makes your establishment accessible for people with chemical sensitivities/environmental illness.  Environmental illness/multiple chemical sensitivity is covered by the Americans with Disabilities Act.  Post signs near the entrances, as well on promotional material stating this is a scent-free establishment and staff and visitors are asked not to use products such as hair spray, perfume, or other scented products.  Any scent that is detectable at more than an arm's length should be avoided.  Make sure the air in the establishment is being replaced with fresh air rather than air being recycled, purifying systems are extremely useful.  Fans and/or open windows in a smoking room does not stop the smoke from traveling into the entire place.  If you must have a smoking area, locate it away from the entrance.  People who smoke need to realize that chemically sensitive people often react from the smoke clinging to your clothes and hair.  Chemicals such as essential oils, tobacco smoke and "natural" fragrances, etc. will affect people with asthma, allergies and other immune problems (i.e. cancer and HIV).  Some past statistics 1994- 5.4 out of 100 people had asthma a 75% increase from 1980 3.1 out of 100 people had asthma.  More than 70% of people with asthma suffer from allergies.

A few tips for interacting with those who are disabled.

You will find some people very wrapped up in terminology when speaking about those disabled.  Definitions are a very personal thing.  I suggest when possible, ask the person how they define themselves.  That way at least you have an idea where they are coming from, even if you disagree or have a difference of opinions. 

I personally don't have a problem being called disabled, handicapped or handicapable and the list goes on and on. But that is just me.  What I do object to is NOT being able to go into the same places any person can or folks talking to those with me as if I didn't have a functioning brain or wasn't even there. 

So here is what I hope will be some helpful hints for interacting with those disabled. 

Talk to the disabled person directly.  Don't fall into the rudeness of talking to the people with them as if they are not there or unable to answer for themselves.  Treat them as you would any other person. 

Shake hands when introduced just like you would with anyone else.  Be aware someone with a tracheotomy might not wish to shake your hand since your hand transfers germs and most people with tracheotomies have to use their hand to touch their trach tube to talk.  So don't be offended if they don't wish to shake your hand.  You might try saying, "is it okay if we shake hands as I understand germs might be an issue?"  Someone with a skin problem and even some that have gone through chemotherapy, shaking hands can be painful so again don't be offended if they do not wish to shake your hand. 

Ask before helping and then listen to the person in case they need to give you some specific instructions to help them. 

Don't be leaning on a person's wheelchair, as that is rude and annoying.  It can cause unnecessary movement that could be causing them pain.  Don't ask them to hold things for you just because you think they can put it in their lap, that is rude and an invasion of their personal space. 

Want to assist a person with a wheelchair?  Bend down to eye level and ask permission first or bend down to eye level and ask how can you help.  If you are helping a person stand or transfer set the brake.  Tell the person you are going to tilt their chair or go over a bump with enough warning so they can prepare themselves.  If you are pushing them you should keep at least a wheelchair's length from others.  Be sure and watch where you are going so you avoid holes, drain covers, etc. 

If you are talking with someone that has difficulty speaking, be patient and look at them as you would anyone else you talk with.  Never try to finish their sentences for them.  Never pretend to understand.  Repeating back what you thought you heard in short separate statements makes it easier.  This way they can shake their head yes or no. 

Want to assist a person that is blind?  Make an offer and wait for them to accept.  You should tell them who you are, and if anyone is with you.  If you are talking in a group situation it is wise to address the person you are speaking to by name so the visually impaired person can follow the conversation.  Don't pet their guide dog without permission.  And don't worry if you say see you later. 

Talking with a person who is hard of hearing or deaf.  Don't shout; look at them so they can see your lips as some can read lips.  Don't smoke, eat while talking or have your hand around your mouth.  Never talk to the interpreter, speak directly to the person.  It is okay to gently tap them on the shoulder or wave your hand to get their attention.  And don't worry if you say did you hear about blah? 

Teach your children it is not polite to point, laugh or whisper about a disabled person.  Parents NEVER tell your children how lucky they are that they aren't disabled. 

Want to assist a person on crutches? Be sure and get eye level with them and ask permission first. 

By all means NEVER be afraid to ask a question when you are unsure of what to do or how to do something.

Let's start with looking at the definitions of what these all mean:

Disability- Has a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more major life activities that an average person can perform with little or no difficulty.

Impairment- The condition of being unable to perform as a consequence of physical or mental unfitness.

Disease- An impairment of health or a condition of abnormal functioning.  An alteration in the state of the body or of some of its organs, interrupting or disturbing the performance of the vital functions, and causing or threatening pain and weakness.

Handicap- A physical, mental, or emotional condition that interferes with an individual's normal functioning.  Reduction in a person's capacity to fulfill a social role as a consequence of an impairment, inadequate training for the role, or other circumstances.

Mental Impairment- Any mental or psychological disorder, such as mental retardation, organic brain syndrome, emotional or mental illness, and specific learning disabilities.

Physical Impairment- Any physiological disorder or condition, cosmetic disfigurement, or anatomical loss affecting one or more of your body systems.  (i.e. Neurological, musculoskeletal, special sense organs, respiratory (including speech organs), cardiovascular, reproductive, digestive, genitourinary, hemic and lymphatic, skin, and endocrine).  

According to the Disabled People's Association-- The definition of disability--The most commonly cited definition is that of the World Health Organization in 1976, which draws a three-fold distinction between impairment, disability and handicap, defined as follows. 'An impairment is any loss or abnormality of psychological, physiological or anatomical structure or function; a disability is any restriction or lack (resulting from an impairment) of ability to perform an activity in the manner or within the range considered normal for a human being; a handicap is a disadvantage for a given individual, resulting from an impairment or a disability, that prevents the fulfillment of a role that is considered normal (depending on age, sex and social and cultural factors) for that individual'.  

There are a zillion ways to experience sex and/or sexual feelings.  Intercourse is not the only way.  Everything and most anything that turns you on, feels good, arouses you, etc. is the way to go.  Ever get turned on just talking about sex? or what you want to do or have done to you?  What about when kissing? Getting a massage?  Reading a "dirty novel" or looking at "dirty pictures?"  You get the idea.

Are you aware some folks can have an orgasm by just having their breasts played with?  Explore each other's body and find body parts that you can use to stimulate him/her to orgasm or stimulate via BDSM play.  Just because the genitals might lack feeling doesn't mean other areas are lacking.  The anus might still be a place that sensation is felt, the tongue/mouth/oral sex (giving and/or receiving), visual aspect might increase.

Does you disability/handicap require some pre-planning or preparation before play and/or sex?  Then work it in as part of the experience.  Trial and error, don't get discourage, communicate with each other.  Tip- Waterbeds are great for adding motion to your play/sex, and is great for positions as well as for pressure sore prevention.  

In any play or sex it is YOUR responsibility to let your partner(s) know of any disability/handicap and if it's a permanent or temporary issue, and if the limitations ever change.  This also includes things like a cold, a cut, a bruise, tenderness anywhere, etc.  And to dispel the notion that Dom/me's know when a submissive has had enough or knows when they are in actual pain...a Dom/me can't see heart pains, circulation pains, respiratory troubles, etc.  You MUST TELL THEM.  Same is true for the Dom/me's, you MUST TELL your sub if you are experiencing any troubles/pain, etc.  It's your body and your responsibility to keep it well, so don't compromise your health for play or to please someone else.

Be ready to expect some difficulties and don't give up hope when things don't work/go wrong.  Keep trying you WILL find things that work.

Now some information and tips on specific problems/issues.  

Allergies- Latex, nonoxynol-9, lubes, rubbing/isopropyl alcohol, semen, metal and chemicals are just a few of what you need to watch out for.  Be sure you communicate any known allergies with your partner BEFORE play/sex.   If you need a barrier to prevent pregnancy and/or passing of STD's look for ones made of polyurethane.  "Reality" for women and "Avanti" for men are ones I have heard about.  Brand names listed here are for identification purposes only and do not imply endorsement.

Amputation- Removal of any limb or part of a limb.  Positions will be the key to play and sex.

Arthritis- Sexual desire should not change with arthritis.  Arthritis in general makes physical activities more difficult but not impossible.  Joint pain can affect positions for sex and play.  Reactive arthritis can cause chlamydia so use a condom if you have this.  Sometimes taking pain medication an hour before play will help when joints are painful.  Here is another area in which to try new positions: Sitting, standing, or kneeling are a few to try.  Tip- If it's painful to be in bondage think of ways to do it yet make it tolerable.  Want to feel restricted but tying your hands behind you is painful?  Try having your hands tied in front of you and then tie your hands to a part of your body leaving only enough rope for minimal movement but is pain free.

Positions for sex: (which might also work for some types of play) (for illustrations see Electric Switch's book)
~If a woman/man has hip problems both partners lying on their sides and the man/woman with strap on taking her/him from behind is good, a pillow between her/his knees might help as well.  
~Another position for women/man with hip problems is kneeling on the floor with her/his body on the bed for support and the man/woman with strap on taking her/him from behind.  
~One more position for a woman/man with hip, back or knee problems is her/him lying on her/his back with a pillow under her/his (ass, hips or thighs), the man/woman with strap on straddles her/him on his/her hands and knees.  
~A man with hip or knee problems should lie on his back (or a woman with strap on) and the woman/man straddles him on her/his hands and knees.  
~Women/man who can't bend their hips or straighten their knees should lie on their back on the edge of the bed and the man/woman with strap on kneel on the floor in front and take her/him from the front.  
~If either has kneeling or lying face down problems you both should stand and have the woman/man bend forward with her/his body on the dresser (or any item at a comfortable
height that gives her/him support and balance) and the man/woman with strap on takes her/him from behind.  
~If either of you has problems with joints,
both partners lying on their sides and the man/
woman with strap on taking her/him from behind is good, a pillow between her/his knees might help as well. 
~Using a wheelchair offers many possibilities.  If the wheelchair has removable armrests even more possibilities.  If the person is sitting in the wheelchair and wants to do penetration, the other person can sit on their lap facing them or facing away from them for rear entry.  If the person in the wheelchair wants to be penetrated they need to scoot their butt forward so the person sitting on top can penetrate easier.  For cunnilingus/fellatio they would need to scoot their butt forward so the other person can kneel or sit in front of the wheelchair. 

Attention Deficit Disorder and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and Hyperactivity can interfere or impair the ability to have orgasms.

Back problems- Flogging might not be acceptable type of play.  Avoid any area that has a problem.  Back pain seems to be broken in to 4 very broad categories. 
1- Back pain that any little movement is too painful.  
2- Back pain that hurts more to bend forward than backward. 
3- Back pain that hurts more to bend backward than forward. 
4- Back pain on one side of your back (not the whole back). 

If you fall into category 1 you should not be the aggressor during sex or play and should lay on your back with a pillow under your knees or on your side.  Any play should be more sensation, erotic and slowly done.

If you fall into category 2 you are more likely to handle positions with backward bending like straddling someone or on your stomach with a pillow under your breasts.

If you fall into category 3 you are more likely to handle positions with forward bending like missionary position or kneeling with a slight lean forward on the edge of a bed or couch/loveseat.  

If you fall into category 4 you are better in any position where you can at least get one leg bent or where you are lying on your side.

Tips-Before you play try one of these to reduce the pain:
Icing the painful area.
Have your partner give you a massage on the painful area.  (This can be the start of foreplay).
Take a hot bath/shower/jacuzzi together. 
(This can be the start of foreplay).
You may have to see physical therapist to find the position where your back and neck feel the most comfortable.  

Blindness- Total or partial loss of vision.  Remember that sounds and tactile sensations will be the key to play/sex with someone blind.

Breathing problems- Asthmatics or anyone with breathing problems should not be gagged.  The person with the breathing problems should determine the pace of sex.  Sometimes oxygen (from a tank) during sex and/or play is very helpful.  Talk to your doctor about an exercise test to see if you need oxygen for exercise, remember most BDSM play is exercise.  Viagra has also been know to help chronic lung disease.  Dr. Jerrill Green of Arkansas Children's Hospital in Little Rock has been using Viagra to treat infants with breathing problems.  A deviated septum also contributes to breathing problems, as well as sinus infections.  Having sex laying on your side will put less pressure on the chest and will make breathing easier.  Tip- If they have asthma, make sure their medication is right by and you don't have to go searching for it when they can't breathe.  Subbies if you have breathing problems a gag is NOT something you should do.  If you are going to use a gag anyway, use the O-Ring gag.  This muffles speech but forces the mouth to stay open to allow breathing.  They come in various sizes so shop around for one that works.

Cancer- Anxiety and uncertainty are very huge problems.  Self worth and feeling less than a man or less than a woman may come into the picture.  A loving, understanding, caring partner is required.  You may have to make adjustments to your BDSM play and/or sex life.  Go slow, remember there are many ways to have sexual interaction and/or orgasms.  You will have to experiment with positions to find the ones that work best with a specific cancer.

Anal Cancer- Routine anal pap smears for both men and women can help with early detection.

Bowel Cancer- Most people will have a normal sex life.  Men may experience erection problems.  Women may find her vagina has shrunk or narrowed.  She might need vaginal dilators.

Male Bladder Cancer- If your bladder is removed you should be able to get an erection.  If the urethra tube is removed, you will not be able to get an erection.  You can always ask you doctor about penile implants, injections or Viagra. 

Melanoma is a serious skin cancer.  The most common body places are the back, back of legs, chest, arms and abdomen.  You do NOT want to whip, pierce, cut, strike or do wax play on the melanoma site.  Example- Whipping can cause the cancer to breakdown and spread to other parts of the body.

Penis Cancer- You would have your penis removed and erections would be impossible.  Removal of a man's penis can be very traumatic.  He will need a very supportive partner to overcome feeling less than a man.

Prostrate Cancer- If you have your prostate removed, you can usually still have sex, but you might have some erectile difficulty.  It will feel different since you will have retrograde ejaculation.  If you have a total prostatectomy you have a 70% chance of losing the ability to have a erection.  See if you are a candidate for nerve sparing surgery which will remove the prostate without harming the nerves making erections more likely.  You can always ask you doctor about penile implants, injections or Viagra.  Cock and Ball torture- You need to make sure you are completely healed and not tender.  You may need avoid CBT as some procedures make it too painful to endure.

Testicular Cancer- Removing one testicle or retroperitoneal lymph nodes does not interfere with having an erection or orgasm.  If both testicles are removed, you will not be able to have an erection.  If you have radiation therapy you should function sexually just fine.  Tip- You might want to use a condom so you aren't passing the chemotherapy drugs to your partner via semen.  You can stop using a condom a week after chemotherapy ends.  You can always ask you doctor about penile implants, injections or Viagra.  Cock and Ball torture- You need to make sure you are completely healed and not tender.  You may need avoid CBT as some procedures make it too painful to endure.

Breast Cancer- Greater risk of getting breast cancer if you have not given birth.  Routine mammograms can help with early detection.  You may have part or all of your breast or both breasts removed.  You will have some amount of loss of feeling.  This can be very traumatic for a woman especially if she has enjoyed breast/nipple play or enjoyed her partner getting turned on looking, sucking and touching them.  Breast reconstruction won't bring back the sensations, but might be needed for her recovery.  She will need a very supportive partner to overcome feeling less than a woman.

Cervical Cancer- Routine pap smears can help with early detection.  You may notice more vaginal dryness-LUBE!  You may notice the inside of your vagina to be more tender/delicate.  Your vagina might narrow and make intercourse painful, you may need vaginal dilators.

Ovarian Cancer- Routine pap smears can help with early detection.  50% greater risk for those that have never taken an oral contraceptive pill.  You should be able to have sexual intercourse since they usually don't remove the vagina.

Uterine Cancer- Greater risk of getting uterine cancer if you have not given birth.  Routine pap smears can help with early detection.  Tip- You may notice vaginal dryness--LUBE!  You might want to use a condom so you aren't passing the chemotherapy drugs to your partner via vaginal fluids.  You can stop using a condom a week after chemotherapy ends. 

Radiation treatments can make some parts of your body tender.  Infections are easier to get.  Keep in mind different positions will help a bunch.

Carpal Tunnel-  Frequent pain in hand, palm, wrists or forearm.  Suspending someone by their wrists or using handcuffs should not be done.  Play on a St. Andrews cross should only be done with grip cuffs if at all.

Cerebral Palsy- Doesn't seem to affect sexual or tactile sensitivity.  Since it is common to have stiff legs and/or dislocated hips you are going to have to find positions that are comfortable.  Think pillow under, beside, etc.  experiment until you will find the one that works for you. 

Cystic Fibrosis- 
Women- In general it should not affect having sex, it seems to affect fertility.  A lot of women seem to be more vulnerable to getting vaginal infections.  
Men- Most are infertile.  In general it should not affect having sex usually no sperm comes with ejaculation.  Never assume you can't get someone pregnant because a percentage of men can and do eject sperm.  Be aware that what you do eject can cause vaginal irritations in some women.  Check with your doctor for the current products to reduce this problem.

Deaf- Communication and giving orders will require some creativity on your part.  Sign language is good, but will it work if you have them in bondage?  Do they lip read?  If they do you need to be in front of them, looking directly at them so they can see your lips when you talk.  Stop and think before blindfolding a deaf person.  They rely on visual things for communication.  Stop and think before gagging a deaf person.  A noise/grunt might be their only way to communicate their safe word or let you know something is wrong.  Remember a sub won't be able to hear you and punishing them for not responding when they can't hear is not okay.  For those involved with someone hearing impaired, be aware hearing aids may aid in hearing not necessarily restore it or make it 100% clear.  Some folks like having others around that can step in if a safe word is said and missed.  

Dentures- Before gagging someone with dentures, you need to know if they have a partial, full, just top, just bottom.  You wouldn't want to damage someone's dentures or break off the tooth the partial is hooked to.  You should also be aware face slapping might jar the dentures loose or break off the tooth a partial is hooked to.  Having dentures removed before oral sex is a whole new experience. 

Dental Braces- Before gagging someone with braces, you need to know what kind of braces they have.  Braces can break, you wouldn't want to gag someone and damage their braces or break the teeth the braces are attached to.  You should also be aware face slapping might jar the braces against the cheeks cutting the inside of their mouth or break a tooth the braces are attached to if the force of the slap is too hard or angled wrong.  

Diabetes- Can affect nerves and blood vessels.  Healing in general takes longer.  Some women experience more vaginal infections.  Some men have erection problems but can still have an orgasm and ejaculate without being hard.  Penile implants may be needed.  Diabetes can affect the ability to achieve orgasms.  Tips- During play watch for dizziness and impaired balance, these are a sign that blood sugar levels may have changed.  To avoid damage to a diabetic: Diabetics should avoid bondage that might alter their circulation.  Avoid having your feet/ankles bound or whipped.  Find out what needs to be done and what to have on hand (juices? candies? etc.) if their blood sugar causes a problem.  Tip- Sometimes the blood sugar levels changing can be mistaken for endorphin subspace.

Dyspareunia- This affects women's sexual response.  She has pain with intercourse or attempted intercourse.  This condition requires great patience and you need to see a health-care provider. 

Dwarfism (pseudoachondroplasis)- Sexual function is usually not affected.  Most common is stiffness and tenderness in weight-bearing joints.  Don't confuse dwarfism with midget.  Midgets are just smaller versions of full grown adults.

Epilepsy- Most common side effect is loss of desire or erectile dysfunction.  Most folks that have their epilepsy under control have little problems with sex.  Some anti-seizure medications can have side effects that interfere with sex, talk to your doctor if you experience any loss of desire or responsiveness.  Your partner needs to know how to deal with your particular type of seizures since occasionally sex can trigger a seizure but know this is rare.  Anxiety and stress are known seizure triggers and we all know sex releases stress!  WARNING: Strobe lights or flickering candles can trigger hidden epilepsy seizures.  This activity should not be done in a public setting or demo/lecture/workshop, you could cause someone a seizure by your use of a strobe light.

Environmental illness/Chemical sensitivities- Chemicals such as essential oils, tobacco smoke and "natural" fragrances, etc. will affect people with asthma, allergies and other immune problems (i.e. cancer and HIV).  95% of chemicals used in fragrances can trigger allergic reactions, central nervous system disorders, liver and kidney damage and much more.  Natural scents like citrus d'limonene or limonene, aloe vera, mint, rosemary, chamomile, etc. can affect people.  "Scent free" items usually have a chemical masking a scent.  If you stop and think about your shampoo, conditioner, soap, deodorant, laundry soap, fabric softener, hair spray, hair gel, hand lotion, body splash, bath products, powder, lip products, perfume, shaving cream, aftershave, make up/cosmetics, sun protectors, cleaners, air fresheners/deodorizers, candles, pine boughs, poinsettias, potpourri, diapers and some garbage bags, exhaust from vehicles, smoke, building materials, scents from cooking, cutting your lawn/grass, waxing, painting, and pesticides all can have serious effects to those sensitive.  Tip- Positions must be comfortable, chest needs to be elevated for easier breathing.  A few pillows under their shoulders and make sure their head is not leaning backwards will greatly help.  Take things slower and a bit easier as you figure out/evaluate how they are at that particular moment/time of day.  Subbies if you have a problem with environmental illness or chemical sensitivities, gags are probably not wise to use.  If you are going to use a gag anyway, use the O-Ring gag.  This muffles speech but forces the mouth to stay open to allow breathing.  They come in various sizes so shop around for one that works.

Female orgasmic disorder- The woman becomes aroused and responds to sexual stimulation yet has the inability to have an orgasm.  This condition requires great patience from her partner.  If things have been working before now it might be a one time thing or something that has just developed.  If it happens often you need to see a health-care provider.

Heart problems- Some heart medication interfere with erection capability so talk to your doctor, some times a change of medication will correct this problem.  Having sex lying on your side will put less pressure on the chest and will make breathing easier.  Electrical play is a NO NO as it will disrupt the normal rhythm of your heart.  Pacemakers and other devices making your heart beat do not need you to disrupt the hearts rhythm.

Hemophilia or any other clotting problems- Blood play/sports are not a good idea even with clotting medication.  Also try to avoid any play that might cut, puncture or draw blood.

Incontinence- It might help to try to plan play/have sex.  Picking a time will help if one has a regular bladder/bowel routine/schedule.  Try to avoid coffee, tea, caffeine drinks and alcohol a few hours before you plan to play/have sex.  Always attempt to empty your bladder before you start playing/having sex.  You might want to engage in receiving oral sex after emptying your bladder.  If you are fearful you might have an accident during play/sex you might want to try playing/having sex in a bathtub/shower or investing in one of those blow up children's toy pools or waterproof/plastic sheets/rubber sheets (be careful as they might contain latex).  For sexual intercourse, the incontinent person should be on their side or on top (less pressure).
Tip- Intercourse can be done with a catheter in place.  Men place it along the side of your penis and put a condom over it to hold it in place.  Women you should tape it out of the way.  

Knee problems- Your play may have to avoid a sub kneeling, you can try knee pads or pillows to see if that helps.  Bottom line- If the sub is in pain from kneeling cease the kneeling activity.  Most common knee problems- bursitis of the knee, fluid buildup requiring knee aspiration (knee taps), skin infections of the knee.  If a man has knee or hip problems he can lie on his back (pillows may or may not help) and the woman straddles him and supports her weight on her elbows or knees.  Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health published a study by Professor Margaret Thorogood from the University of Warwick that says women who wear high heels may avoid painful knee conditions in later life.  Researchers have discovered that three-inch heels were associated with reduced risks of joint problems. 

Male orgasmic disorder- Not able to have an orgasm through intercourse (vaginal or anal).  Before you seek medical help try these:  Oral stimulation can assist in achieving an orgasm, other times a hand job will be needed to help him achieve an orgasm (bunny fur is an added helper).  It may take a long time to get him there, so great patience is required.  If it happens often you need to see a health-care provider.

Multiple Sclerosis- MS have lesions on the myelin (white matter of the brain and spinal cord).
Men can have erectile difficulties, changed penis sensation and less than 50/50 chance everything will "work."  Ejaculation and mental orgasm are very separate.  Erectile dysfunction can be solved with a penile prosthesis.  Check with your doctor about the many types available.  Some men have also had good luck with Viagra.  Only drawback to Viagra is if you take any nitrates in any form (i.e. nitroglycerine for your heart) you can't use Viagra safely.
Women can have less or insufficient lubrication, genital sensations can change and the stimulation can become uncomfortable and interfere with achieving orgasms.  Neurological effects can be a contributing factor.  Also can affect women's ability to have an orgasm or can cause difficulty in having orgasms.
Both sexes- Thoughts about performance expectations can cause great anxiety only adding to the situation.

Muscular Dystrophy- Some MD affects muscles and nerves and if the muscles are weaken ejaculation or orgasm can be affected.  Some MD involves the nervous system or hormonal abnormalities.  Some times fertility is affected.  Men sometimes have atrophy of the testicles and women have irregular menstrual cycles and higher miscarriage rate.  Most with MD sexual function is just fine.

Neck problems- Flogging might not work with neck problems. Collars might not be an option with neck injuries.  Providing oral sex may be too painful for the person with neck problems.  Experiment with positions until you find one that does not cause pain.  You may have to see physical therapist to find the position where your back and neck feel the most comfortable.

Tips-Before you play try one of these to reduce the pain:
Icing the painful area.
Have your partner give you a massage on the painful area.  (This can be the start of foreplay).
Take a hot bath/shower/jacuzzi together.  (This can be the start of foreplay).

Obesity- In 2002 The Center for Disease Control reported that 61% of the US population is obese.  The biggest negative is dieting which turns into prolonged semi starvation which kills the libido.  Add the fear of rejection and self destructive thoughts about appearance and you have a recipe for disaster.  Sex is VERY important and some obese folks are actually more active/wanting than non-obese folks.  First let's enlighten everyone, there is no woman so obese that you can't access her vagina, and no man so obese you can't access his penis.  Quelling the rumor- Obese woman can give birth, in 1936 Mrs. Karns who weighed 745 pounds gave birth to a healthy 9 pound 3 ounce baby girl, oh and her husband weighed over 300 pounds.  In the 1970's Mrs. Bradford weighed close to 500 pounds when she gave birth to her son.  Tips- Tell your partner you are sexually attracted to them.  Make a daily effort to mention something positive about your partner's body.  

Helpful sexual positions: Man (or woman with dildo) on their back (lifting up his/her abdominal fat if needed), the woman (or man) straddles over him/her, facing him/her (when she is on top her abdomen many be up to his chin if she is fat and that's okay as long as it doesn't impact his breathing).  This position gets deep penetration.  A variation is the woman sits facing his feet in a crouching position while he pushes his stomach out of the way until she sits completely back, then his stomach can rest against her ass.  Doggie style is one fat couples swear by.  She kneels legs apart, her chest as low as she can, raising her ass.  He kneels behind her, moving his stomach out of the way (or holding it up or resting it on her ass) and enters her.  This position can also be done standing up.  Another very good position is both partners lying on their sides and the man/woman with strap on taking her/him from behind, a pillow between her/his knees might help as well.  

Polio/Postpolio Syndrome- Even though they may be paralysis or partial paralysis, they still have physical sensations and sexual functions.  Biggest factor/danger is breathing difficulties. 

Respiratory- Respiratory disabilities can be very limiting and/or deadly.  Biggest obstacle is people can't see your disability.  Remember you look perfectly healthy.  Some people also think that you can tolerate something even if you are telling them you can't or you can tolerate it one day, but not another.  Also severity commonly increases over the years.  Someone allergic to common airborne things such as odors (coffee, tea, chocolate for example) or cigarette smoke or someone allergic to foods and medicines, life can be extremely difficult for them.  They may have to limit their social contacts since they need to prevent a respiratory attack.  They have to be very careful about infections.  A cold could become life threatening for them.  Respiratory difficulties might be accompanied by episodes of chronic pain, especially in the chest.  Loss of strength as the pain worsens or as they labor to breath is common.  Remember they can't predict or control when these periods might occur or for how long.  Tip- Positions must be comfortable, chest needs to be elevated for easier breathing.  A few pillows under their shoulders and make sure their head is not leaning backwards will greatly help.  Stay away from play that will jar their chest, try to avoid rocking or excessive moving of their body.  Take things slower and a bit easier as you figure out where they are at that particular moment/time of day.  Subbies if you have a respiratory problem, gags are NOT something you should do.  If you are going to use a gag anyway, use the O-Ring gag.  This muffles speech but forces the mouth to stay open to allow breathing.  They come in various sizes so shop around for one that works.

Spinal Cord Injury/Quadriplegic/Paraplegic- 
Paraplegic- Usually loss of lower extremities including muscles and organs.  
Quadriplegic- Usually paralysis of all 4 limbs.

Common loss of genital sensation.  Women will find less lubrication, can we say Astroglide!?!? 

AstroGlide Lubricant

Men- Ejaculation inconsistency, some men find a vibrator helps.  Men can have reflex erections (from direct or indirect stimulation) as well as psychogenic erections (from thoughts/fantasy), psychogenic are less likely.  Spinal cord injuries or paraplegics CAN still have orgasms it just takes longer and requires direct stimulation.  Just because they can't control the muscles doesn't mean the muscles don't work.  Experimentation will be needed to find what spots on the body will transmit the sensations.  So think of armpits, sides of the ribs and other body parts.  Some men will still be able to get erections, others will not, but they still can achieve an orgasm.  Other things that can help an erection: Injection of Cavajet, vacuum pump, vibrator on the prostate gland, or Viagra.

Standing problems- A massage chair can be used nicely for back floggings and bondage.

Stroke- Can cause sexual debilitation.  Usually the first couple of months desire may be affected.  If it lasts longer than that talk to your doctor or a sexual dysfunction specialist.  Sexual positions can now be very uncomfortable due to paralysis or weakness.  This is a great time to experiment and find new fun positions.  Medications can also interfere with desire and performance, always ask your doctor about other medications.

TMJ (Temporomandibular Joint)- The small joints in front of each ear that attach the lower jaw (mandible) to the skull.  They allow you to perform such functions as opening and closing your mouth, chewing, speaking, swallowing, etc.  There does not seem to be any cure.  30% find bite splint or occlusal appliances help relieve symptoms.  Be aware that TMJ and masticatory muscle pain (MPD) can have similar signs and symptoms and are often miss-diagnosed.  Doing oral sex may be painful to someone with TMJ.  Forget gags for someone with TMJ.  If it is too painful do not do it.

Tracheotomy- Positions can be problematic for some with tracheotomies.  Experiment to find the best position to not block the trach opening.  For some lying on their back works, others on their side, others on their hands and knees.  Tracheotomies can also cause difficulty breathing so having sex laying on your side will put less pressure on the chest and will make breathing easier.  You may have to avoid impact play/flogging on their back or any play that would cause a jar, the trach tube getting jostled could cause damage to their windpipe and/or bleeding.  You also have to keep in mind that most will need one hand free to be able to cover their trach tube to talk/communicate/say their safe word.  Doing oral sex may be painful to someone with a tracheotomy, so experiment with positions and tables/equipment before giving up.  Collars can't be used if your sub has a tracheotomy, so come up with some sort of trach tie that can be used in place of a collar.  Choking/breath play is NOT okay with someone with a tracheotomy, remember they have a trach because of breathing problems.

Freak/squick out folks:  Mummification play--Cover the subs nose and mouth with saran wrap (remember they are breathing through the tube in their throat).  I'd suggest letting a DM know what you are doing before folks freak out.  

Urinary tract infections- You will need to avoid inserting anything into the penis or urethra. 

Vasectomy- Avoid play prior to the procedure, you want to make sure you are healed before the "snipping."  No CBT play or testicle play until you have completely healed.

Vision problems- Contacts/glasses- Check with a person wearing contacts before using a blindfold as small dust/particles can affect the eyes and contacts.  Recommended to remove contacts or glasses before blindfold usage.  If you remove someone's glasses they may not be able to see anything so take this into consideration if you are wanting them to see something to instill fear into them or if you motion to them to do something, they won't be able to see you and punishing them for not responding when they can't see is not okay.  

We do appreciate you purchasing any items through the individual links or through the search links below.  This helps off set the hosting and administration costs of these web pages.  

Items that might help with play:  

Bariatric electric tilt type table.  For all types of play.  This table can be raised/lowered, tilted, etc. so useable in lots of play.

 

Non Bariatric electric tilt table-400 pound lift capacity

Bondage stool.  Good for flogging, bondage and anal play.

Adjustable drafting chair with wheels, back support, no arms, try to find one not too wide.  Dom/me can sit for flogging, etc.

 

Global drafting chair

Foam wedges/Liberator Ramp/Liberator Wedge/Liberator Cube/Liberator stage.  For helping with positions for play and/or sex.  Liberator now comes in black with adjustable restraints.

 

A generic foam wedge

The G Ring/Sex Ring.  8 or more positions and can be used as suspension sling/chair.  For sex-One person can lie on the curved padded bench with cunt/ass at the edge and their partner can enter them and then roll the 2 hoops back and forth so this helps anyone that gets pain from thrusting movement.  If the one being penetrated is a woman it helps hit her G spot.  Also good for oral sex, since you can roll them into a position so you can avoid the neck strain.  Want to suspend someone?  Just strap them to the bench and roll the wheel to where you want them.

Grip cuffs- Suspended weight is distributed over a larger area.  The top edge doesn't dig in to the lower hand as straight cuffs do, so it is comfortable in suspension even if the sub isn't supporting their own weight on the handgrips.

Gynecological Chair.  Good for bondage, flogging, exams and sex.  Numerous angles and can be adjusted flat like a table. 

Heavy Duty Footstool.  9 inches high X 18 inches wide X 14 inches deep and will hold up to 500 lbs.  Great for those with knee problems but want to be at their Dom/mes feet.  By allowing sub to sit at their Dom/mes feet it will give them the same perspective/feeling as when they kneel.

Jumbo Kneeling Pad.  24 inches wide X 9.5 inched deep X 1 inch thick with hand grip cut-out.  This will accommodate those with "normal" to large thighs.  Will assist those with knee issues.  Can also be used as an impact/paddle item. 

Kidney belt with D-rings.  Might be helpful in limiting movement of someone with joint problems.

Knee pads/pillows.  These can help provide comfort and protection to the knee by distributing the weight of the body over a wider area.  They also reduce the chance of penetrating wounds and potential infections that can result from kneeling on sharp objects.

 

Knee Guard

Ladder back bondage chair.  Good for limited space, provides sitting for a sub that can't stand or lie down.

The Luv Seat.  For helping with positions for play and/or sex.

Massage chair.  sub can sit both front wards and backwards.  Great for floggings, breast torture and bondage.   Most play spaces will allow you to bring your chair with you for your play.

 

Massage chair that holds up to 325 lbs.

Massage table- Helps in positions and heights for play and sex.  Most play spaces will allow you to bring your table with you for your play.

 

Massage table holds up to 550 lbs

O-Ring gag- This muffles speech but forces the mouth to stay open to allow breathing.  They come in various sizes so shop around for one that works.

Pleasure Seat/Joy Rider.  Great for anal or cunt play, straddle sex where weight is supported by the seat rather than the person doing the straddling.  Also has springs for bounce movement.

Sex Machine- For ongoing penetration.  Great for anyone with back or hip problems or erection issues and wishes to provide penetration for their partner.

Sling/Portable Sling/Love Swing/Love Swing w/stand.  For helping with positions for play and/or sex.

Spanking horse.  Can support body weight and can resemble a kneeling position without weight on the subs knees.

Spank-O-Matic machine- For ongoing spankings.  Great for Dom/me's that have back problems or limited range of motion, or tire quickly but would still like to provide their sub with spankings. 

Suspension- Hanging AB strap is an arm sling that will fit any chin-up bar or horizontal support bar.

Hanging AB straps

Valeo body balls-  Pressure tested to 1000 lbs.  Exercise ball/body ball- great for rolling back and forth, this helps anyone that gets pain from thrusting movement. 

 

Spartan Sports 65 CM Body Ball


 

Spartan Sports Peanut Body Ball

Weight benches.  For helping with positions for play and/or sex.

 

Incline, Decline, Sit-Up Bench

Wheelchair can be a great pony cart.  Wheelchairs are also good for bondage and some flogging of breasts and genitals as well as sex.  You like a clean and sparkling wheelchair?  Well maybe a punishment for your sub would be cleaning it.  Have submissive that is in wheelchair daily?  You might what to make the wheels on their wheelchair unmovable as punishment.

 

Available in 20", 22" or 24" extra wide seat widths and 300 and 450 lb. weight capacity

Whipping bench.  Usually padded and usually accommodates body, thigh, calf, arm and wrists.   

Z-Duty 7" Work Boot.  If you have foot, leg, or back problems, or standing for long period issues this boot could greatly help you and is footwear that would fit in well with BDSM.  

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Here are a few places that will custom make toys for those disabled or already have some type of toys/product that would help those disabled.  Please tell them you found out about them on our web site.  Links to other web sites are offered for your convenience and do not constitute an endorsement of those web sites. 

Adam and Gillian's BDSM Toys  Call and speak to Adam as they are willing to make items to accommodate the various needs and limitations of their clients.

Bare Leatherworks  They have a rotator/swivel cowhide or suede flogger.  The handle is made of EPDM rubber.  

E-Ville Designs  They have a wonderful all leather flogger called the Morning Star that has two swivels, it also comes with a finger lead for those that have hand problems or are an amputee.  They also have a line of toys for lazy tops.  The Rubber rackets are made of neoprene and PVC for the handles.  

Leathrworks  Swivel Flogger.  The 2 part swivel handles have a stainless steel roller bearing.  You can buy handles and tails separately which makes it easy to switch tails for multiple sensations. 

Any rubber, neoprene or PVC material can contain latex.  So be sure and check if you have a latex allergy.  You might try wearing non-latex gloves while handling a latex product.  

See our product reviews for descriptions and ratings of items that might be adaptable.

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For more about sex and disabilities and health care:


The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability


Enabling Romance


Health Care Without Shame

 
Restricted Access
 

Some useful links to ADA matters:

ADA Accessibility Guidelines for Buildings and Facilities  
Americans with Disabilities Act Home page  
ADA Enforcement  

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Links

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