BDSM Education- Tips For Those Disabled/Handicapped

Tips for places trying to be more accommodating/accessible- 
Ramps should have edges and not be too steep (1:16 to 1:20 are the norm, but keep in mind a 30 foot long ramp that is 1:12 can't be managed well by most).  
Ramps need to be a minimum width of 36 inches and support a minimum of 1000 pounds.  If the person is on the larger side of life and is being pushed by someone large the ramp has to hold them. 
Lift- Should have minimum weight capacity of 500 lbs and be capable of sustaining a static load of at least 1.5 times the rated load.  A person that weighs 300 lbs and a electric wheel chair or electric scooter on the lift and the 500 lb capacity will be barely enough to get them up or down.  Getting stuck on a lift is highly embarrassing to the disabled person.  
Lift should also be at least 36 inches wide and long enough to accommodate an electric scooter (minimum 55 inches).
Having a lift that uses a universal key will be very helpful and not cause the disabled person to wait for someone to find the key to operate the lift.
Floor surfaces do impact wheelchair movement.
Having doorway openings and aisles/paths at least 36 inches wide.  This will accommodate most wheelchairs (manual and electric) and electric scooters.  
You need to allow for space for turning and moving.  
Make sure there is enough space for a wheelchair around each piece of play equipment in the entire facility.
Accessible restroom, make them large enough to easily turn/maneuver a wheelchair/scooter.  Think about corners, angles, and aisle/path width.
Make your establishment scent free and smoke free.  Having a scent-free environment is just like having wheelchair ramps, it makes your establishment accessible for people with chemical sensitivities/environmental illness.  Environmental illness/multiple chemical sensitivity is covered by the Americans with Disabilities Act.  Post signs near the entrances, as well on promotional material stating this is a scent-free establishment and staff and visitors are asked not to use products such as hair spray, perfume, or other scented products.  Any scent that is detectable at more than an arm's length should be avoided.  Make sure the air in the establishment is being replaced with fresh air rather than air being recycled, purifying systems are extremely useful.  Fans and/or open windows in a smoking room does not stop the smoke from traveling into the entire place.  If you must have a smoking area, locate it away from the entrance.  People who smoke need to realize that chemically sensitive people often react from the smoke clinging to your clothes and hair.  Chemicals such as essential oils, tobacco smoke and "natural" fragrances, etc. will affect people with asthma, allergies and other immune problems (i.e. cancer and HIV).  Some past statistics 1994- 5.4 out of 100 people had asthma a 75% increase from 1980 3.1 out of 100 people had asthma.  More than 70% of people with asthma suffer from allergies.

A few tips for interacting with those who are disabled.

You will find some people very wrapped up in terminology when speaking about those disabled.  Definitions are a very personal thing.  I suggest when possible, ask the person how they define themselves.  That way at least you have an idea where they are coming from, even if you disagree or have a difference of opinions. 

I personally don't have a problem being called disabled, handicapped or handicapable and the list goes on and on. But that is just me.  What I do object to is NOT being able to go into the same places any person can or folks talking to those with me as if I didn't have a functioning brain or wasn't even there. 

So here is what I hope will be some helpful hints for interacting with those disabled. 

Talk to the disabled person directly.  Don't fall into the rudeness of talking to the people with them as if they are not there or unable to answer for themselves.  Treat them as you would any other person. 

Shake hands when introduced just like you would with anyone else.  Be aware someone with a tracheotomy might not wish to shake your hand since your hand transfers germs and most people with tracheotomies have to use their hand to touch their trach tube to talk.  So don't be offended if they don't wish to shake your hand.  You might try saying, "is it okay if we shake hands as I understand germs might be an issue?"  Someone with a skin problem and even some that have gone through chemotherapy, shaking hands can be painful so again don't be offended if they do not wish to shake your hand. 

Ask before helping and then listen to the person in case they need to give you some specific instructions to help them. 

Don't be leaning on a person's wheelchair, as that is rude and annoying.  It can cause unnecessary movement that could be causing them pain.  Don't ask them to hold things for you just because you think they can put it in their lap, that is rude and an invasion of their personal space. 

Want to assist a person with a wheelchair?  Bend down to eye level and ask permission first or bend down to eye level and ask how can you help.  If you are helping a person stand or transfer set the brake.  Tell the person you are going to tilt their chair or go over a bump with enough warning so they can prepare themselves.  If you are pushing them you should keep at least a wheelchair's length from others.  Be sure and watch where you are going so you avoid holes, drain covers, etc. 

If you are talking with someone that has difficulty speaking, be patient and look at them as you would anyone else you talk with.  Never try to finish their sentences for them.  Never pretend to understand.  Repeating back what you thought you heard in short separate statements makes it easier.  This way they can shake their head yes or no. 

Want to assist a person that is blind?  Make an offer and wait for them to accept.  You should tell them who you are, and if anyone is with you.  If you are talking in a group situation it is wise to address the person you are speaking to by name so the visually impaired person can follow the conversation.  Don't pet their guide dog without permission.  And don't worry if you say see you later. 

Talking with a person who is hard of hearing or deaf.  Don't shout; look at them so they can see your lips as some can read lips.  Don't smoke, eat while talking or have your hand around your mouth.  Never talk to the interpreter, speak directly to the person.  It is okay to gently tap them on the shoulder or wave your hand to get their attention.  And don't worry if you say did you hear about blah? 

Teach your children it is not polite to point, laugh or whisper about a disabled person.  Parents NEVER tell your children how lucky they are that they aren't disabled. 

Want to assist a person on crutches? Be sure and get eye level with them and ask permission first. 

By all means NEVER be afraid to ask a question when you are unsure of what to do or how to do something.

Let's start with looking at the definitions of what these all mean:

Does you disability/handicap require some pre-planning or preparation before play and/or sex?  Then work it in as part of the experience.  Trial and error, don't get discourage, communicate with each other.  Tip- Waterbeds are great for adding motion to your play/sex, and is great for positions as well as for pressure sore prevention.  

In any play or sex it is YOUR responsibility to let your partner(s) know of any disability/handicap and if it's a permanent or temporary issue, and if the limitations ever change.  This also includes things like a cold, a cut, a bruise, tenderness anywhere, etc.  And to dispel the notion that Dom/me's know when a submissive has had enough or knows when they are in actual pain...a Dom/me can't see heart pains, circulation pains, respiratory troubles, etc.  You MUST TELL THEM.  Same is true for the Dom/me's, you MUST TELL your sub if you are experiencing any troubles/pain, etc.  It's your body and your responsibility to keep it well, so don't compromise your health for play or to please someone else.

Be ready to expect some difficulties and don't give up hope when things don't work/go wrong.  Keep trying you WILL find things that work.

Now some information and tips on specific problems/issues.  

Allergies- Latex, nonoxynol-9, lubes, rubbing/isopropyl alcohol, semen, metal and chemicals are just a few of what you need to watch out for.  Be sure you communicate any known allergies with your partner BEFORE play/sex.   If you need a barrier to prevent pregnancy and/or passing of STD's look for ones made of polyurethane.  "Reality" for women and "Avanti" for men are ones I have heard about.  Brand names listed here are for identification purposes only and do not imply endorsement.

Arthritis- Sexual desire should not change with arthritis.  Arthritis in general makes physical activities more difficult but not impossible.  Joint pain can affect positions for sex and play.  Reactive arthritis can cause chlamydia so use a condom if you have this.  Sometimes taking pain medication an hour before play will help when joints are painful.  Here is another area in which to try new positions: Sitting, standing, or kneeling are a few to try.  Tip- If it's painful to be in bondage think of ways to do it yet make it tolerable.  Want to feel restricted but tying your hands behind you is painful?  Try having your hands tied in front of you and then tie your hands to a part of your body leaving only enough rope for minimal movement but is pain free.

Positions for sex: (which might also work for some types of play) (for illustrations see Electric Switch's book)
~If a woman/man has hip problems both partners lying on their sides and the man/woman with strap on taking her/him from behind is good, a pillow between her/his knees might help as well.  
~Another position for women/man with hip problems is kneeling on the floor with her/his body on the bed for support and the man/woman with strap on taking her/him from behind.  
~One more position for a woman/man with hip, back or knee problems is her/him lying on her/his back with a pillow under her/his (ass, hips or thighs), the man/woman with strap on straddles her/him on his/her hands and knees.  
~A man with hip or knee problems should lie on his back (or a woman with strap on) and the woman/man straddles him on her/his hands and knees.  
~Women/man who can't bend their hips or straighten their knees should lie on their back on the edge of the bed and the man/woman with strap on kneel on the floor in front and take her/him from the front.  
~If either has kneeling or lying face down problems you both should stand and have the woman/man bend forward with her/his body on the dresser (or any item at a comfortable height that gives her/him support and balance) and the man/woman with strap on takes her/him from behind.  
~If either of you has problems with joints, both partners lying on their sides and the man/woman with strap on taking her/him from behind is good, a pillow between her/his knees might help as well. 
~Using a wheelchair offers many possibilities.  If the wheelchair has removable armrests even more possibilities.  If the person is sitting in the wheelchair and wants to do penetration, the other person can sit on their lap facing them or facing away from them for rear entry.  If the person in the wheelchair wants to be penetrated they need to scoot their butt forward so the person sitting on top can penetrate easier.  For cunnilingus/fellatio they would need to scoot their butt forward so the other person can kneel or sit in front of the wheelchair. 

Tips-Before you play try one of these to reduce the pain:
Icing the painful area.
Have your partner give you a massage on the painful area.  (This can be the start of foreplay).
Take a hot bath/shower/jacuzzi together.  (This can be the start of foreplay).
You may have to see physical therapist to find the position where your back and neck feel the most comfortable.  

Blindness- Total or partial loss of vision.  Remember that sounds and tactile sensations will be the key to play/sex with someone blind.

Breathing problems- Asthmatics or anyone with breathing problems should not be gagged.  The person with the breathing problems should determine the pace of sex.  Sometimes oxygen (from a tank) during sex and/or play is very helpful.  Talk to your doctor about an exercise test to see if you need oxygen for exercise, remember most BDSM play is exercise.  Viagra has also been know to help chronic lung disease.  Dr. Jerrill Green of Arkansas Children's Hospital in Little Rock has been using Viagra to treat infants with breathing problems.  A deviated septum also contributes to breathing problems, as well as sinus infections.  Having sex laying on your side will put less pressure on the chest and will make breathing easier.  Tip- If they have asthma, make sure their medication is right by and you don't have to go searching for it when they can't breathe.  Subbies if you have breathing problems a gag is NOT something you should do.  If you are going to use a gag anyway, use the O-Ring gag.  This muffles speech but forces the mouth to stay open to allow breathing.  They come in various sizes so shop around for one that works.

Cancer- Anxiety and uncertainty are very huge problems.  Self worth and feeling less than a man or less than a woman may come into the picture.  A loving, understanding, caring partner is required.  You may have to make adjustments to your BDSM play and/or sex life.  Go slow, remember there are many ways to have sexual interaction and/or orgasms.  You will have to experiment with positions to find the ones that work best with a specific cancer.

Anal Cancer- Routine anal pap smears for both men and women can help with early detection.

Bowel Cancer- Most people will have a normal sex life.  Men may experience erection problems.  Women may find her vagina has shrunk or narrowed.  She might need vaginal dilators.

Male Bladder Cancer- If your bladder is removed you should be able to get an erection.  If the urethra tube is removed, you will not be able to get an erection.  You can always ask you doctor about penile implants, injections or Viagra. 

Melanoma is a serious skin cancer.  The most common body places are the back, back of legs, chest, arms and abdomen.  You do NOT want to whip, pierce, cut, strike or do wax play on the melanoma site.  Example- Whipping can cause the cancer to breakdown and spread to other parts of the body.

Penis Cancer- You would have your penis removed and erections would be impossible.  Removal of a man's penis can be very traumatic.  He will need a very supportive partner to overcome feeling less than a man.

Prostrate Cancer- If you have your prostate removed, you can usually still have sex, but you might have some erectile difficulty.  It will feel different since you will have retrograde ejaculation.  If you have a total prostatectomy you have a 70% chance of losing the ability to have a erection.  See if you are a candidate for nerve sparing surgery which will remove the prostate without harming the nerves making erections more likely.  You can always ask you doctor about penile implants, injections or Viagra.  Cock and Ball torture- You need to make sure you are completely healed and not tender.  You may need avoid CBT as some procedures make it too painful to endure.

Testicular Cancer- Removing one testicle or retroperitoneal lymph nodes does not interfere with having an erection or orgasm.  If both testicles are removed, you will not be able to have an erection.  If you have radiation therapy you should function sexually just fine.  Tip- You might want to use a condom so you aren't passing the chemotherapy drugs to your partner via semen.  You can stop using a condom a week after chemotherapy ends.  You can always ask you doctor about penile implants, injections or Viagra.  Cock and Ball torture- You need to make sure you are completely healed and not tender.  You may need avoid CBT as some procedures make it too painful to endure.

Breast Cancer- Greater risk of getting breast cancer if you have not given birth.  Routine mammograms can help with early detection.  You may have part or all of your breast or both breasts removed.  You will have some amount of loss of feeling.  This can be very traumatic for a woman especially if she has enjoyed breast/nipple play or enjoyed her partner getting turned on looking, sucking and touching them.  Breast reconstruction won't bring back the sensations, but might be needed for her recovery.  She will need a very supportive partner to overcome feeling less than a woman.

Cervical Cancer- Routine pap smears can help with early detection.  You may notice more vaginal dryness-LUBE!  You may notice the inside of your vagina to be more tender/delicate.  Your vagina might narrow and make intercourse painful, you may need vaginal dilators.

Ovarian Cancer- Routine pap smears can help with early detection.  50% greater risk for those that have never taken an oral contraceptive pill.  You should be able to have sexual intercourse since they usually don't remove the vagina.

Uterine Cancer- Greater risk of getting uterine cancer if you have not given birth.  Routine pap smears can help with early detection.  Tip- You may notice vaginal dryness--LUBE!  You might want to use a condom so you aren't passing the chemotherapy drugs to your partner via vaginal fluids.  You can stop using a condom a week after chemotherapy ends. 

Radiation treatments can make some parts of your body tender.  Infections are easier to get.  Keep in mind different positions will help a bunch.

Diabetes- Can affect nerves and blood vessels.  Healing in general takes longer.  Some women experience more vaginal infections.  Some men have erection problems but can still have an orgasm and ejaculate without being hard.  Penile implants may be needed.  Diabetes can affect the ability to achieve orgasms.  Tips- During play watch for dizziness and impaired balance, these are a sign that blood sugar levels may have changed.  To avoid damage to a diabetic: Diabetics should avoid bondage that might alter their circulation.  Avoid having your feet/ankles bound or whipped.  Find out what needs to be done and what to have on hand (juices? candies? etc.) if their blood sugar causes a problem.  Tip- Sometimes the blood sugar levels changing can be mistaken for endorphin subspace.

Epilepsy- Most common side effect is loss of desire or erectile dysfunction.  Most folks that have their epilepsy under control have little problems with sex.  Some anti-seizure medications can have side effects that interfere with sex, talk to your doctor if you experience any loss of desire or responsiveness.  Your partner needs to know how to deal with your particular type of seizures since occasionally sex can trigger a seizure but know this is rare.  Anxiety and stress are known seizure triggers and we all know sex releases stress!  WARNING: Strobe lights or flickering candles can trigger hidden epilepsy seizures.  This activity should not be done in a public setting or demo/lecture/workshop, you could cause someone a seizure by your use of a strobe light.

Environmental illness/Chemical sensitivities- Chemicals such as essential oils, tobacco smoke and "natural" fragrances, etc. will affect people with asthma, allergies and other immune problems (i.e. cancer and HIV).  95% of chemicals used in fragrances can trigger allergic reactions, central nervous system disorders, liver and kidney damage and much more.  Natural scents like citrus d'limonene or limonene, aloe vera, mint, rosemary, chamomile, etc. can affect people.  "Scent free" items usually have a chemical masking a scent.  If you stop and think about your shampoo, conditioner, soap, deodorant, laundry soap, fabric softener, hair spray, hair gel, hand lotion, body splash, bath products, powder, lip products, perfume, shaving cream, aftershave, make up/cosmetics, sun protectors, cleaners, air fresheners/deodorizers, candles, pine boughs, poinsettias, potpourri, diapers and some garbage bags, exhaust from vehicles, smoke, building materials, scents from cooking, cutting your lawn/grass, waxing, painting, and pesticides all can have serious effects to those sensitive.  Tip- Positions must be comfortable, chest needs to be elevated for easier breathing.  A few pillows under their shoulders and make sure their head is not leaning backwards will greatly help.  Take things slower and a bit easier as you figure out/evaluate how they are at that particular moment/time of day.  Subbies if you have a problem with environmental illness or chemical sensitivities, gags are probably not wise to use.  If you are going to use a gag anyway, use the O-Ring gag.  This muffles speech but forces the mouth to stay open to allow breathing.  They come in various sizes so shop around for one that works.

Heart problems- Some heart medication interfere with erection capability so talk to your doctor, some times a change of medication will correct this problem.  Having sex lying on your side will put less pressure on the chest and will make breathing easier.  Electrical play is a NO NO as it will disrupt the normal rhythm of your heart.  Pacemakers and other devices making your heart beat do not need you to disrupt the hearts rhythm.

Incontinence- It might help to try to plan play/have sex.  Picking a time will help if one has a regular bladder/bowel routine/schedule.  Try to avoid coffee, tea, caffeine drinks and alcohol a few hours before you plan to play/have sex.  Always attempt to empty your bladder before you start playing/having sex.  You might want to engage in receiving oral sex after emptying your bladder.  If you are fearful you might have an accident during play/sex you might want to try playing/having sex in a bathtub/shower or investing in one of those blow up children's toy pools or waterproof/plastic sheets/rubber sheets (be careful as they might contain latex).  For sexual intercourse, the incontinent person should be on their side or on top (less pressure).
Tip- Intercourse can be done with a catheter in place.  Men place it along the side of your penis and put a condom over it to hold it in place.  Women you should tape it out of the way.  

Obesity- In 2002 The Center for Disease Control reported that 61% of the US population is obese.  The biggest negative is dieting which turns into prolonged semi starvation which kills the libido.  Add the fear of rejection and self destructive thoughts about appearance and you have a recipe for disaster.  Sex is VERY important and some obese folks are actually more active/wanting than non-obese folks.  First let's enlighten everyone, there is no woman so obese that you can't access her vagina, and no man so obese you can't access his penis.  Quelling the rumor- Obese woman can give birth, in 1936 Mrs. Karns who weighed 745 pounds gave birth to a healthy 9 pound 3 ounce baby girl, oh and her husband weighed over 300 pounds.  In the 1970's Mrs. Bradford weighed close to 500 pounds when she gave birth to her son.  Tips- Tell your partner you are sexually attracted to them.  Make a daily effort to mention something positive about your partner's body.  

Helpful sexual positions: Man (or woman with dildo) on their back (lifting up his/her abdominal fat if needed), the woman (or man) straddles over him/her, facing him/her (when she is on top her abdomen many be up to his chin if she is fat and that's okay as long as it doesn't impact his breathing).  This position gets deep penetration.  A variation is the woman sits facing his feet in a crouching position while he pushes his stomach out of the way until she sits completely back, then his stomach can rest against her ass.  Doggie style is one fat couples swear by.  She kneels legs apart, her chest as low as she can, raising her ass.  He kneels behind her, moving his stomach out of the way (or holding it up or resting it on her ass) and enters her.  This position can also be done standing up.  Another very good position is both partners lying on their sides and the man/woman with strap on taking her/him from behind, a pillow between her/his knees might help as well.  

Respiratory- Respiratory disabilities can be very limiting and/or deadly.  Biggest obstacle is people can't see your disability.  Remember you look perfectly healthy.  Some people also think that you can tolerate something even if you are telling them you can't or you can tolerate it one day, but not another.  Also severity commonly increases over the years.  Someone allergic to common airborne things such as odors (coffee, tea, chocolate for example) or cigarette smoke or someone allergic to foods and medicines, life can be extremely difficult for them.  They may have to limit their social contacts since they need to prevent a respiratory attack.  They have to be very careful about infections.  A cold could become life threatening for them.  Respiratory difficulties might be accompanied by episodes of chronic pain, especially in the chest.  Loss of strength as the pain worsens or as they labor to breath is common.  Remember they can't predict or control when these periods might occur or for how long.  Tip- Positions must be comfortable, chest needs to be elevated for easier breathing.  A few pillows under their shoulders and make sure their head is not leaning backwards will greatly help.  Stay away from play that will jar their chest, try to avoid rocking or excessive moving of their body.  Take things slower and a bit easier as you figure out where they are at that particular moment/time of day.  Subbies if you have a respiratory problem, gags are NOT something you should do.  If you are going to use a gag anyway, use the O-Ring gag.  This muffles speech but forces the mouth to stay open to allow breathing.  They come in various sizes so shop around for one that works.